tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24137725477458575242024-03-04T22:19:14.259-06:00ThreeGeek.comWhere a varying number of geeks (approximately three) render judgment on entertainment and the world at large.Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-5304986421379968702011-10-06T10:59:00.002-05:002011-10-06T11:48:00.906-05:00A deeper look into "Dream House"Richard takes a deeper look into "Dream House" specifically the flaws that kept a good movie from greatness. WARNING: Clicking "Read More" contains just about every spoiler in the film. Reader beware!<br /><br /><span id="fullpost">Those of you that have seen the film know that Will Atenton is Peter Ward. Five years before the start of the film Daniel Craig's character witnessed the shooting death's of his wife and daughters before being accidentally shot in the head as he struggled with the killer by his wife. I have no problem with this. I personally think that the build up would have paid off more had HE been the one to kill his wife and daughters, but that would be very hard to pull off in American cinema. The biggest problem is how they got there.<br /><br />So much of the film is dedicated to showing how much Will loves his family. How happy they are. I understand what Jim Sheridan and David Loucka were trying to accomplish, but it resulted in the film tragically underusing Naomi Watts as the neighbor Ann, Marton Csokas as Ann's ex-husband, Jack and Elias Koteas as Jack's hired killer Boyce.<br /><br />There was an entire subplot only hinted at until the climax of the movie between Ann and Jack. After what I assume was a very nasty divorce Jack is murderously angry at Ann over the fact that he lost the house and his money and has to share custody of their daughter with Ann. Somewhere jumbled in the mix is the fact that Jack is having money problems and Ann has (what I am assuming) a large life insurance policy. The only reason the audience is even aware of this is because of an out of place scene near the beginning of the film that comes from left field, and after the reveal where we learn Jack hired Boyce to kill his wife, but screwed up and killed the Ward family instead.<br /><br />That had the potential to be a wonderful story arc. Jack could be wracked with guilt over the screw-up. If not Jack then Boyce. Instead we have two massively underdeveloped sociopaths that only regret the wrong house being targeted.<br /><br />On that note I find it hard to believe that Jack hired a man to kill his wife without showing a picture of her (No one can confuse Rachel Weisz with Naomi Watts) or even giving an address to Boyce. Instead the plot of the movie hinges on the fact that Boyce hit the third house on the left instead of the right.<br /><br />Moving past Jack and Boyce we come to Ann. Ann was Libby's best friend. Ann and the Wards are shown together in pictures drinking, laughing and having fun. Trish and Dee Dee are implied to be close childhood friends of Ann's daughter Chloe. Ann was even the only person to come visit Peter Ward/Will Atenton in the mental home. So why is she so under developed. The few times she is on screen there is a wonderful chemistry between Ann and Will. It might not be romantic, but the friendship she wants to share with Will is painful to watch. Why waist that and instead focus on another scene where Will runs around the yard chasing shadows and ghosts.<br /><br />That brings me to the car. Near the middle of the film a red Buick peels out in the show in front of the Ward/Atenton house. Will jumps in front of it and man and car play an awkward game of chicken. No one is hurt. The car is never seen from again and the view never finds out who was in it. The scene added nothing to the film other than reinforcing the notion that there are problems with the house. The director wasted his time on this instead of flushing out other characters.<br /><br />In the beginning of the film the Real Estate agent that sold Will Atenton his dream house before the start of the movie drives Will to the house. Once the reveal happens this creates a continuity problem. Will was living a fantasy in his head where his family was still alive. His doctors and other patients at the mental home became Co-workers and bosses. They explain that once he realizes he went insane. Yet what mental worker would willingly drop a delusional man that may have murdered his family back at the crime scene which happens to also be condemned?<br /><br />The last rant is the amnesia/fake life itself. No one knows why Peter created will. The only theory is that watching his wife and children die pushed him over the edge and he created a new persona to escape the guilt. Not once did anyone think to themselves, "Why is Peter crazy? Oh yeah. HE WAS SHOT IN THE FUCKING HEAD!" This film embraces so many tropes already. Amnesia, the I didn't kill my wife, countless horror tropes of characters running off when they should stay inside, yet the one they avoid is the one that would close one of the biggest plot holes.<br /><br />In closing this movie could have been great. There were places where they could have played with flashbacks and only revealed they were flashbacks at the end. They could have made at least one of the villains sympathetic instead of evil caricature tropes. They could have made Ann have a flaw or two which would explain why Jack hated her so much. Hell, they could have made Peter/Will the killer and have the douchebag ex-husband save Ann and Chloe from the crazy homicidal protagonist instead of vice versa. And the ending. After Jack and Boyce kill each other as Peter's dream home burns to the ground we cut to Peter looking through a bookstore window at the International bestseller "Dream house." From the word GO Peter/Will is made out to be an aspiring writer. We know he has been working on a manuscript and from the composition tablets with "Dream House" scribbled in them we know the idea is sloshing around in his head. The ending could have been great. Did he write about his experiences or was the entire thing in his head and we lived out his writing process. The ending so so beautifully open and potentially meta. The only flaw was that the movie could not get me to care enough to wonder.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-38869873311461698792011-10-06T10:19:00.002-05:002011-10-06T10:47:45.548-05:00"Dream House" fails to live up to the dream (2.5/5)Every few years or so a psychological thriller changes the landscape of the game. "The Usual Suspects" "The Sixth Sense" "Primal Fear" This is not one of those movies.<br /><br /><span id="fullpost">Don't get me wrong. Jim Sterling's thriller "Dream House" is not a bad movie. It could just be so much more.<br /><br />Daniel Craig stars as Will Atenton, a supposed hotshot editor who quits his job and moves into his "dream house" to be closer with his wife, Libby (The Amazing Rachel Weisz) and daughters Trish and Dee Dee. Everything seems peaceful and overly tranquil until they start seeing shadows in the windows and Will finds a cult of teenagers worshiping in his basement. It's then that he finds out his dream home is the site of a brutal killing spree from five years ago, where Peter Ward went crazy and killed his wife and two daughters before being shot in the head by his wife. As Will starts to uncover more about the crime scene he starts to suspect that his new neighbor Ann (Naomi Watts) knows more about the case than she lets on.<br /><br />The acting is solid in parts and wooden in others. I know Craig has the acting chops to carry a movie like this but seemed to be disinterested some of the time. This is never more prominent than times of great stress to the characters. When they fear the recently released from a mental home Peter ward is outside their house Weisz understandably seems panicked and scared, while Craig seems to almost roll his eyes and command her to, "just go inside."<br /><br />Besides some wooden acting the film suffered from some serious plot holes. When the reveal of the film happens, earlier characters that could contradict the twist found their dream homes in "mandyville" and there are entire scenes that add nothing to the overall story.<br /><br />The greatest sin in my eyes lays with the use of the antagonists in the film. Without giving away too much (that comes in my next post) I can only say that I am hard pressed to find an antagonist so forced upon the audience without plot, story or character development as I am in Dream House.<br /><br />Still, it was a good time if only a bit mindless. I can still see what the film COULD have been in my head though, which makes this average film hurt worse than a truly horrible one.<br /><br />-Richard<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-81221435234313030322011-10-06T10:14:00.002-05:002011-10-06T10:19:24.366-05:00Richard is backThousands of years ago Richard Posted on ThreeGeek.<span id="fullpost">Today I have come... to stay?
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<br />I don't know about The Sherm and Thaddo, but I have "that writtin' bug" creeping back into my life so you should see some more updates, at least for the time being. Later today should be the first new content in over a year.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-59548694189114184932009-01-29T19:25:00.003-06:002009-01-29T19:59:27.125-06:00"The Wrestler" -- Movie Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Thaddeus:</span></span><br /><br /><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man."</span><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size:85%;">-</span><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:85%;" >Samuel Johnson</span></div></blockquote></span><span id="fullpost"><br /></span>"The Wrestler" is a backstage peek, not just at the titular profession, but at life and the harsh, gritty sadness it can hold; at what happens when your give yourself so fully to one aspect of yourself that everything else withers up and dies, leaving only the aching strangeness of a phantom limb or, in this case, a phantom life.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4LDsijNnPS-4eFYG2_jTXOl09By5uJyO1nx6ROU7185Pz2OhY0CDIivlrvAbie1pCACnA_SAljTNywEU0-WQcLNPLrNvtZrzfCPpXIkbfiQdmIybQTn35r4XzfPOmybZRxo3KjgpfbS3X/s1600-h/wrestler-aronofsky-promo-01.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4LDsijNnPS-4eFYG2_jTXOl09By5uJyO1nx6ROU7185Pz2OhY0CDIivlrvAbie1pCACnA_SAljTNywEU0-WQcLNPLrNvtZrzfCPpXIkbfiQdmIybQTn35r4XzfPOmybZRxo3KjgpfbS3X/s200/wrestler-aronofsky-promo-01.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5296887550607303154" border="0" /></a>Seeing the man behind the curtain is one of the pervading themes of "The Wrestler," and Mickey Rourke deserves the highest possible marks for not only bringing burnt-out wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson to Ram-Jamming life, but also for revealing the rickety clockwork of humanity ticking away beneath the blustering facadé of muscles and spandex.<br /><br />Randy, a former pro-wrestling super star, lives a life of scraping by between weekends headlining small-circuit matches. He works part-time unloading trucks, sleeps in a crummy trailer park -- or in his van, when he can't make rent. Basically, he stumbles through the day to day, not in a literal, clumsy way, but as a man who only know how to live one kind of life: the life he has in the ring. Camaraderie, showmanship and the cheering of the crowd.<br /><br />But it's not all huge men in tight clothes -- far from it. We also have Cassidy (Marisa Tomei), an aging stripper whom Randy obviously has a thing for -- though, for some bizarro-logic reason, he seems to be the only one. Unlike Randy, Cassidy has no love for the person she pretends to be, choosing that life, not for any kind of satisfaction, but merely to provide for her son. An unsavory but necessary sacrifice.<br /><br />And beyond peeling away the layers from the main players, even the very scenery of "The Wrestler" is all about looking beyond the familiar surface. Randy picks up his part-time work at a supermarket, and we follow him through the storage areas, cramped hallways and backrooms behind those universally familiar, fluorescent aisles. The woods around his trailer park aren't any kind of Hollywood landscape, either. They're brown and broken, littered with tangles of brush and thin, weak examples of plant-life. Grounded and familiar for anybody who's lived the scrape-by lifestyle, I'd wager. Indeed, it's the regularity of this world that helps draw us in, leaving us that much more impacted by the lives we watch unfold.<br /><br />"The Wrestler" is deep, human drama played out on an odd, but familiar stage. It shouldn't be missed by any who consider themselves moviegoers.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">5 / 5</span></span><br /><br />As a quick postscript: Randy "The Ram" Robinson's real name, we discover, is actually Robin Ramzinski, which makes this a clear case of "Boy Named Sue" Syndrome. Give a guy a girlish name and he'll become a giant ball of muscle and machismo. Try and give them an overly manly name, and they'll likely end up wearing spandex for an entirely different reasons. Hooray for movie tropes.<br /><br />-Thad out<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah:</span><br />This film is a tragedy of great magnitude performed on a microscopic stage. The resulting contrast is an unbelievably moving opus on regret, loss, love and the masks we wear in our lives -- and how, tragically, some confuse the mask for themselves... if that makes sense. If not, don't worry. I'll try to make myself clear as the review goes on.<br /><br />If you have been reading the reviews on Darren Aronofsky's newest offering you would have undoubtedly read such blurbs as “Mickey Rourke's come-back performance,” “a one in a lifetime marriage of actor and role,” and, my personal favorite, the overly melodramatic “...witness the resurrection of Mickey Rourke.” I can't imagine where these people were when Rourke turned loose his brilliant interpretation of Marv in “Sin City.” His Marv was one of the best performances in prosthetics since Ron Perlman's Hellboy.<br /><br />Semantics aside, Rourke does give the performance of his career. He's a force of pure, physical nature in this film. He takes the hits and the falls in the arena, while outside he conveys the emotional hits and falls from life. Randy “The Ram” Robinson is a cyclone of brutality, sportsmanship, loneliness, ache and determination who ultimately realizes that life is a play which holds no part for him.<br /><br />Marissa Tomei's stripper with a heart of gold may well be a cliché, but Tomei manages to pull a rabbit out of that hat by infusing her with simple, down-to-earth sweetness and confusion at her genuine feelings for Randy. Tomei, at 45, is only getting sexier and more fearless with age. Her scenes with Rourke are the true wrestling scenes, as she tries to comprehend her growing affection for this beaten old man.<br /><br />What they both fail to understand is that both of them are actors in a part, Randy is “The Ram” and Cassidy is merely a stage name hiding Pam, the single mother. Both play a part, and both try to discover what are pieces of the persona, and what is truly genuine.<br /><br />At the same time, you get the sense that both characters are more comfortable in their stage persona. For they only truly mess up when they leave their characters and try to inhabit the world outside of their respective arenas -- Tomei's stripper realizes she is in love with a man who can no longer operate in the real world, while Rourke's wrestler who is forced, in his silver years, to re-enter society and finds he is not entirely welcome. He learns that his years away from a real life have left him unable to live life without screwing up. <br /><br />And now I would like to take some time/space to address a certain grievance I've noticed with other critics: that Evan Rachel Wood is the the films only hiccup, and that she hits mostly false notes. This, in my opinion, is untrue.<br /><br />True, Wood's performance as Randy's daughter, Stephanie, is not of the same mood as Tomei's or Rourke's -- possibly because, out of the trio, she is the only one without a stage persona. She lives, breathes and operates totally in the real world. Her “overly melodramatic performance” could be attributed to a young girl letting loose on her father for his transgressions against her, both past and present. Out of the three, oddly enough, she's the most well-adjusted. To me, her performance rings true, and just as close to the bones as her co-stars.<br /><br />I must confess something, before I wrap up. This is my first, but certainly not my last, Darren Aronofsky film. I'm aware of his others and have added them in my Netflix Queue. From what I know of his other films though, this is the most simple, yet subtle, movie of his career. There is plot and story, but the attention to these three characters as they live and love is astounding. This is a film filled with rage, regret and yearning. For being his fourth feature film, it is simply startling.<br /><br />“The Wrestler” is a film much like “Slumdog Millionaire” and “Gran Torino” that will linger with you among your subconscious. The length and intensity of that lingering is what separates merely great movies from all-out masterpieces. I'm not quite sure which one “The Wrestler” is, but I have a sneaking suspicion it might be the latter. If nothing else, Randy “The Ram” Robinson belongs in the great pantheon of cinematic characters, of that much I'm certain.<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 81px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3H0icy1u0h4zuk9vO0ysOPUJdHV115sDal8V1kKUEuvDk_CC2CgNCnt2M8bDkFOfENUkPKoTxe8an87XYrj4iNLO9S3zxqT3jjnQ_NYZ6L0sNVwJOkrPgJ5uEi3scp5EEt1KMZO1S69Jd/s200/th_salmahayek.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5296887216715705746" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 81px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3H0icy1u0h4zuk9vO0ysOPUJdHV115sDal8V1kKUEuvDk_CC2CgNCnt2M8bDkFOfENUkPKoTxe8an87XYrj4iNLO9S3zxqT3jjnQ_NYZ6L0sNVwJOkrPgJ5uEi3scp5EEt1KMZO1S69Jd/s200/th_salmahayek.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5296887216715705746" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 81px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3H0icy1u0h4zuk9vO0ysOPUJdHV115sDal8V1kKUEuvDk_CC2CgNCnt2M8bDkFOfENUkPKoTxe8an87XYrj4iNLO9S3zxqT3jjnQ_NYZ6L0sNVwJOkrPgJ5uEi3scp5EEt1KMZO1S69Jd/s200/th_salmahayek.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5296887216715705746" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 81px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3H0icy1u0h4zuk9vO0ysOPUJdHV115sDal8V1kKUEuvDk_CC2CgNCnt2M8bDkFOfENUkPKoTxe8an87XYrj4iNLO9S3zxqT3jjnQ_NYZ6L0sNVwJOkrPgJ5uEi3scp5EEt1KMZO1S69Jd/s200/th_salmahayek.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5296887216715705746" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 81px; height: 112px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3H0icy1u0h4zuk9vO0ysOPUJdHV115sDal8V1kKUEuvDk_CC2CgNCnt2M8bDkFOfENUkPKoTxe8an87XYrj4iNLO9S3zxqT3jjnQ_NYZ6L0sNVwJOkrPgJ5uEi3scp5EEt1KMZO1S69Jd/s200/th_salmahayek.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5296887216715705746" border="0" /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">/5</span></span><br /><br /></span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-43742030302133626582009-01-24T12:00:00.005-06:002009-01-29T18:14:29.486-06:00"Gran Torino" -- Movie Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah:</span><br /></span>More and more I'm convinced I was in right in a thought I had four years ago: Clint Eastwood is a modern John Ford. That is to say, much like the forgotten great, his style is subtle and surprisingly touching.<span id="fullpost"> Unlike Danny Boyle with “Slumdog Millionaire,” Eastwood feels no need to pull out the stops. You'll find no wild cuts, zooming camera movements or any other flashy stylistic choices. Eastwood prefers to sit his camera down and let the characters and story do all the heavy lifting.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, “Slumdog Millionaire” is still one of the best films of the year. And another is “Gran Torino.”<br /><br />Eastwood paints a subtle, complicated and incredibly moving portrait about a man who is far from ready for his generation to hand over the reigns of the world. He doesn't understand what the fast-paced, spoiled, lazy rabble the present generation -- including his own family -- has to offer.<br /><br />With his increasingly concave features, grizzled expressions and unmistakable growl, Eastwood dominates the screen. This is the meanest we have ever seen Eastwood. It's also the best we've ever seen him, acting wise. A bittersweet landmark, as Eastwood has since announced that he is retiring from acting.<br /><br />For those who still don't know, “Gran Torino” is about Walt Kowalski (Eastwood) a Korean War veteran who, after his wife dies, is left alone and embittered against... well, people in general. To top it all off, his neighborhood consists largely of Hmong (an ethnic group hailing from Southeast Asia), which irks Walt to no end.<br /><br />After he inadvertently saves a young boy next door, Thao (Bee Vang), from a local gang one night, Walt finds himself inundated with unwanted attention. Thao's sister, Sue (Anhey Her), begins to realize -- along with the rest of us -- that Walt, while spouting slurs left and right, is really anything but a racist. He's just an old man who is disappointed with the entire human race, and doesn't care much about the decorum of political correctness.<br /><br />As the movie progresses, a friendship begins to form between Walt and his neighbors. Despite whatever else happens in the movie, these three are the core. It is to the credit of both Bee Vang and Anhey Her that they manage to shine, even while being encased in the shadow of Eastwood's performance.<br /><br />Eastwood outdoes himself with every film he directs, his work growing more textured and vibrant with each passing year. It must be said that, even at 78, he shows absolutely no sign of slowing down. For the second year in a row, he has managed to put out two movies a year, while directors half his age do well if they crank out one.<br /><br />For those who point to Eastwood's retirement from acting as a sure sign of the mega-talent starting to slow, I counter with this: It is my belief that he is retiring from acting so he can bump his quota to <span style="font-weight: bold;">three</span> films a year.<br /><br />Mark my words, the only thing stopping this guy is death, and from what I saw in "Gran Torino," Clint could probably make the reaper crap his pants and move right along to the next person. Masterpiece!<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 90px; height: 90px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVYz69Ut5gAG8kyKV6LpHHVB7t68IAC_JWBa8RH9j0hyO6E7rMtt5gSGNTACdX5zuPsXrk0bQna7-xegnQ7FV2n1aAbdAG6HU7KMgjre3R6f4xv8LBqFZ4fsPjyBX1myEw6U3GP9JQNfQ/s200/phpG8KQyY_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294766689686813330" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 90px; height: 90px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVYz69Ut5gAG8kyKV6LpHHVB7t68IAC_JWBa8RH9j0hyO6E7rMtt5gSGNTACdX5zuPsXrk0bQna7-xegnQ7FV2n1aAbdAG6HU7KMgjre3R6f4xv8LBqFZ4fsPjyBX1myEw6U3GP9JQNfQ/s200/phpG8KQyY_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294766689686813330" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 90px; height: 90px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVYz69Ut5gAG8kyKV6LpHHVB7t68IAC_JWBa8RH9j0hyO6E7rMtt5gSGNTACdX5zuPsXrk0bQna7-xegnQ7FV2n1aAbdAG6HU7KMgjre3R6f4xv8LBqFZ4fsPjyBX1myEw6U3GP9JQNfQ/s200/phpG8KQyY_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294766689686813330" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 90px; height: 90px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVYz69Ut5gAG8kyKV6LpHHVB7t68IAC_JWBa8RH9j0hyO6E7rMtt5gSGNTACdX5zuPsXrk0bQna7-xegnQ7FV2n1aAbdAG6HU7KMgjre3R6f4xv8LBqFZ4fsPjyBX1myEw6U3GP9JQNfQ/s200/phpG8KQyY_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294766689686813330" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 90px; height: 90px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAVYz69Ut5gAG8kyKV6LpHHVB7t68IAC_JWBa8RH9j0hyO6E7rMtt5gSGNTACdX5zuPsXrk0bQna7-xegnQ7FV2n1aAbdAG6HU7KMgjre3R6f4xv8LBqFZ4fsPjyBX1myEw6U3GP9JQNfQ/s200/phpG8KQyY_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294766689686813330" border="0" /> / 5<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Thaddeus:</span><br />Walt Kowalski is not racist.<br /><br />It may be easy to confuse him with the like, what with the constant stream of ethnic epithets he issues forth to anyone who pauses in front of him for too long. As my former room mates and I often said, old guys can do whatever they want. And Walt doesn't want to mince words. So yeah, maybe he buys into stereotypes, but he also gives credit where it's due... it's just that most of the people in his life haven't earned shit. And nothing hacks a man off more then dumbass entitlement.<br /><br />"Gran Torino," which I <span style="font-style: italic;">totally</span> knew beforehand was also the name of a car, is a film about people that the world doesn't want. Specifically, Walt and Thao.<br /><br />Walt's family -- his two sons and their respective families -- don't see him as a person. To them, he's more like leftovers. Grumpy, gravely leftovers. A relic of a world that doesn't exist anymore. Utterly dismissible. As we grow to know the man, we see this callousness of those who should be closest to him as utterly terrible. And yet, these aren't terrible people. They're normal... which may be the most horrible part of all.<br /><br />Thao is also dismissed by his family. Quiet and introverted, he's easily pushed around by pretty much everyone, from his well-meaning sister to his bastard cousin Spider (Doua Moua). After Spider and his gang 'protect' Thao from the bullying of another, Hispanic gang, he pushes Thao to join them. The initiation: steal the Gran Torino.<br /><br />With Sue as the catalyst, Walt and Thao strike up an odd relationship. Walt finds family for the first time -- not counting his departed wife, whose funeral opened the film -- and Thao learns how to be a man... though Walt's teaching methods are far from orthodox. His teaching Thao "how men talk," with help from his barber (John Carroll Lynch) was absolutely hilarious.<br /><br />Actually, there was a lot of humor in "Gran Torino," even among the grit and harshness and sadness and drama.<br /><br />Not to be pigeonholed, "Gran Torino" is a movie about life and death and rebirth. It's about the things we should pass on and the things we should learn. It's about the meaning of being a man, and of family. It's about sweet, American-made muscle car.<br /><br />5 / 5<br /><br />Do <span style="font-weight: bold;">not</span> miss this movie.<br /><br />-Thad out.</span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-89326621649425610842009-01-24T07:00:00.001-06:002009-01-24T07:00:01.004-06:00"Seven Pounds" -- Movie Review<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" id="fullpost" >Jeremiah:<br /></span>“Seven Pounds” is designed to make you cry and, depending on who you are, it probably succeeds. It's a little hard to review a movie like “Seven Pounds,” where so much of the purpose of the movie is trying to solve the puzzle that it lays out. To be armed with too much knowledge, in this case, will do you more harm than good.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />Ben Thomas (Will Smith) is an I.R.S. Agent. Ezra (Woody Harrelson)is a blind telemarketer. Emily (Rosario Dawson) is a woman with severe heart problems. Dan (Barry Peppers), a friend of Ben's seems, emotionally distraught over a deal he made with Ben. There's a social worker Holly, (Judyann Elder), who's happy to see Ben. Connie Tepos (Elpidia Carrillo), a mother trapped in an abusive relationship, wishes only to escape with her children to a new life.<br /><br />Discovering who these people are and how they are connected is the joy of “Seven Pounds.” It is so integral, in fact, that I'm not sure how enjoyable the movie would be on repeat viewings. Suffice to say, if you were to ask me what the movie was about, I'd say it was about sacrifice... and jellyfish.<br /><br />The movie has been charged with being manipulative, and it is unquestionably guilty. Yet, when it's done well, I have absolutely no problem with being manipulated. I don't think you will either.<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 111px; height: 116px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCRnK6WlqSKLblEgQ5zOrY_kPcC6P_ise_JZ56MXsAbTV-pAlaVMl9vBso1Url8v7csQtF3LHtXwGyIz4nEoVAqYmMhZ22FErh5b9tSOsC05X3ne6JPZCOnhdkHqgn-o-IScp3tlbIkSu/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294747339500719138" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 111px; height: 116px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCRnK6WlqSKLblEgQ5zOrY_kPcC6P_ise_JZ56MXsAbTV-pAlaVMl9vBso1Url8v7csQtF3LHtXwGyIz4nEoVAqYmMhZ22FErh5b9tSOsC05X3ne6JPZCOnhdkHqgn-o-IScp3tlbIkSu/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294747339500719138" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 111px; height: 116px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCRnK6WlqSKLblEgQ5zOrY_kPcC6P_ise_JZ56MXsAbTV-pAlaVMl9vBso1Url8v7csQtF3LHtXwGyIz4nEoVAqYmMhZ22FErh5b9tSOsC05X3ne6JPZCOnhdkHqgn-o-IScp3tlbIkSu/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294747339500719138" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 55px; height: 116px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5tzGlQ1oodbTKurWIdeuO6rtR5sy_6izdlyjyI5cd_OqBA21zU1e2hKdA1WKstT7Et1YvpiXp7tytJjEvOCvLFY6kc_JYc-gWU1yyAQy56KzJD7YQBjECpgbPGiAf21kBsH6G5CiI-4IN/s200/hayek+7+-+half.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5294747563854542402" border="0" /> <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >/ 5</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Thaddeus:</span><br />There are many movies where the overall quality is so grand and appealing that even when all the great twists have been revealed, you'd still be full-willing to watch it all over again. I had the endings of "Fight Club," "The Sixth Sense," and "The Matrix" spoiled for me before I ever saw them, but that didn't keep me from enjoying them the first time or any of the enumerable, subsequent times.<br /><br />"Seven Pounds" is not any of those movies.<br /><br />Not to say it's bad, but I heartily agree with Jeremiah on the point of... well, most of the things he said, to be honest. It manipulates you -- but in a charming way, as opposed to a psychotic ex-significant other sort of way. A solid story, with some top-notch talent, but it just doesn't have the clout to make it any kind of enduring classic.<br /><br />"Seven Pounds" is a movie for people who enjoy feeling ways about stuff. If you tend to shun emotions, because they are for sissies and meatbags, you would likely be happier trading your money for a ticket to a different movie. If, however, you enjoy smiling and crying; stories of a more limited, human scope; and watching as pieces fit together into a full picture, this is probably just the ticket for you.<br /><br />In a season of Must-See Movies, "Seven Pounds" just doesn't quite measure up. But if you've already seen the heavy-hitters, or you just want a good cry or something, you could do a lot worse.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >3.5 / 5</span><br /><br />-Thad out.</span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-37724394758109221672009-01-15T23:30:00.001-06:002009-01-19T21:08:54.919-06:00"Slumdog Millionaire" -- Movie Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah:</span><br /></span>Danny Boyle's “Slumdog Millionaire” is a life-affirming, emotional roller-coaster of a fairy tale, filmed with such ferocity and virtuosity that it will leave you, quite frankly, breathless at its beauty. The plot is straight out of Dickens, yet told in a fashion that feels as new as the last breath you took.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />Jamal (Dev Patel) is a poor Indian boy who has grown up in the slums of Mumbai: a slumdog. After managing to become a contestant on an Indian version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”, he defies the odds as he pushes closer and closer toward the top of the million-dollar heap. He's not a genius, not particularly educated at all. But nevertheless, he has each answer -- because each question relates to the traumatic or dramatic moments of his life.<br /><br />As we follow him back through these moments, we meet Jamal's older brother Salim (Madhur Mittal) and the love of Jamal's life, Latika (Freida Pinto). There are many more, but much like Dickens's, they are too numerous to mention -- though their roles are equally crucial to the the movie.<br /><br />Boyle and co-director Loveleen Tandan show you the whole beautiful, miserable mess that is India, boils and all. The effect is a dizzying visual poem of that nation and its people. All in all, a true cinematic feat of joy, longing, regret and the magic of that lofty idea of true love.<br /><br />It is written, after all.<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291747466269151682" style="WIDTH: 135px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 123px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKQemks6mq4trQkkDCJIQzuxOyrWn4QmmKmpJfbMpATXelM_Tdm6bDClkNO20tyhw4Vwh0asIDO5H634trvfMWA5zWWFptVImeCzToAmwITJ0wsVPs_qTs1-zDlUJ0kePaHpt4iD16BjBe/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" /> <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291747466269151682" style="WIDTH: 135px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 123px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKQemks6mq4trQkkDCJIQzuxOyrWn4QmmKmpJfbMpATXelM_Tdm6bDClkNO20tyhw4Vwh0asIDO5H634trvfMWA5zWWFptVImeCzToAmwITJ0wsVPs_qTs1-zDlUJ0kePaHpt4iD16BjBe/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" /> <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291747466269151682" style="WIDTH: 135px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 123px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKQemks6mq4trQkkDCJIQzuxOyrWn4QmmKmpJfbMpATXelM_Tdm6bDClkNO20tyhw4Vwh0asIDO5H634trvfMWA5zWWFptVImeCzToAmwITJ0wsVPs_qTs1-zDlUJ0kePaHpt4iD16BjBe/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" /> <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291747466269151682" style="WIDTH: 135px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 123px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKQemks6mq4trQkkDCJIQzuxOyrWn4QmmKmpJfbMpATXelM_Tdm6bDClkNO20tyhw4Vwh0asIDO5H634trvfMWA5zWWFptVImeCzToAmwITJ0wsVPs_qTs1-zDlUJ0kePaHpt4iD16BjBe/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" /> <img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5291747466269151682" style="WIDTH: 135px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 123px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKQemks6mq4trQkkDCJIQzuxOyrWn4QmmKmpJfbMpATXelM_Tdm6bDClkNO20tyhw4Vwh0asIDO5H634trvfMWA5zWWFptVImeCzToAmwITJ0wsVPs_qTs1-zDlUJ0kePaHpt4iD16BjBe/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" /> / <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold;font-size:130%;" >5</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Thaddeus:</span></span><br />For me, the beauty of "Slumdog Millionaire" is in how well the story and the characters and the world are woven together into one beautiful, continuous tapestry of love, struggle and the unbearable condition that is human life.<br /><br />Fancy words aside, I was pleasantly surprised by the actors (and actress) playing Jamal, Salim and Latika from youth to adulthood. Normally, children -- with their minute stature, greasy hands and banshees' wail -- are to be avoided at all costs... in film. Or retail.<br /><br />Anyway: Ayush Mahesh Khedekar, Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail and Rubiana Ali steal your heart as the youngest Jamal, Salim and Latika, respectively. From the brothers' bittersweet first meeting with Latika, through the growing bonds of friendship and on to their tragic separation, they pull you into their world and simultaneously beat the living guts out of foolish, lesser child-actors... figuratively speaking, of course.<br /><br />This leads us to Tanay Chheda, Ashutosh Lobo Gajiwala and Tanvi Ganesh Lonkar as the teen-years trio, and to describe what these characters go through in their reunion, which is any way but what you expect, would be a crime to those yet to see it.<br /><br />And while I'm playing the name-game, I'd like to throw an honorable mention up to Anil Kapoor, who portrays gameshow host Prem Kumar -- imagine a parallel universe where Regis Philbin is Indian, and slightly more sinister, and you wind up with a surprisingly accurate picture of his performance... but I mean that in the nicest way.<br /><br />Beyond gushing accolades on the acting and directing, it's important to note the appearance of M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" on the soundtrack. I dig that song. She's also featured in an original piece by the film's composer, A. R. Rahman. So if you're a fellow M.I.A. fan, that's another little treat for you in what I could only describe as a holiday-huge meal of a movie... only no matter how much you eat, you never get full or throw up. Fantastic.<br /><br />So, yeah -- see "Slumdog Millionaire."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold;font-size:130%;" >5 / 5</span><br /><br />And don't you dare miss the credits.<br /><br />-Thad out</span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-21314033197393306392009-01-04T20:57:00.007-06:002009-01-04T21:46:06.587-06:00"Transporter 3" -- Movie Review<span style="font-style:italic;">Due in part to a rash of recent temporal anomalies, but largely to the tawdry lifestyle of The Editor, the following review is well beyond recent... but if you haven't read it, it's new to you! And so, ONWARD!</span> <span id="fullpost"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvdU_TZbTw_niBGHifvYc1NR1LZAek-SHXQHez90My_fhPeAnKmoP2X_QVZJw3rFELg34VVfAjHo9NXixMrmspnvbzjEZo2fFuYoI88AiN32JX_zvwFBuUXXw2J9iLgxJEqgTdg7CQ5Ng/s1600-h/transporter3.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvdU_TZbTw_niBGHifvYc1NR1LZAek-SHXQHez90My_fhPeAnKmoP2X_QVZJw3rFELg34VVfAjHo9NXixMrmspnvbzjEZo2fFuYoI88AiN32JX_zvwFBuUXXw2J9iLgxJEqgTdg7CQ5Ng/s200/transporter3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287643932235279010" /></a> I haven't decided whether I should recommend “Transporter 3” to you or not. It's a fantastically fun movie to be sure, and yet parts will push you back in your chair and just about roll your eyes for you -- but, oddly enough, the scenes I'm talking about will not be the ones where the filmmakers blatantly, and with unrepentant joy, rape the laws of physics on the screen. The guilty scenes are found in the subplot of blossoming romance between Frank Martin (Jason “Bad Ass” Statham) and his cargo Valentina (Natalya “Making Freckles Ungodly Sexy” Rudakova). <br /><br />Those scenes press the audience's level of suspension of disbelief, not because of the age difference, but because the dialogue was written by what must have been a hopelessly romantic junior-high-schooler, with such gems as: “No, that's what you're thinking. I'm talking about what you're feeling.” <br /><br />And yet, when the movie is not concerning itself with blasé emotion or focusing on the sizzling sex appeal of its stars -- as both of them are undeniably pretty people -- it's giving you a healthy dose of impossibly unrealistic action sequences that hark back to the days of “Commando.” It's a fine way to wile away an hour and forty minutes on a Saturday night.<br /><br />Now, a word about the action sequences: I enjoyed the way the director, the fantastically named Olivier Megaton, used a steady cam for certain action scenes. Sure there are cuts, but they're there only to switch views and done entirely without our old foe <span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">The Shaky Cam</span></span>. Not to mention that he seems to be just as in love with Rudakova as the audience is. <br /><br />There were times where I couldn't shake the sense, both from Rudakova and Statham, that they could be doing better. They were simply not pushed to do so. That, I blame on the script, co-written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen. But since I love Luc Besson, I'll credit him with the the good stuff and blame the other guy for the stuff I didn't like. Is that not professional? Then you're going to hate this next line.<br /><br />For those of you who might scoff at the non-realism displayed by Frank Martin and his Audi, might I remind you to blow it out your ass? (Told ya.) It's a “Transporter” movie. The previous entry into this series had Statham breaking a dude's back in an underwater fight inside the hull of a recently submerged airplane. <br /><br />Should any human being ever one-arm a rocket launcher? Arnold Schwarzenegger, I'm looking your way. No. Do I need to see Stallone, in a business suit, standing in front of an oncoming bus, almost daring the bus to hit him? No. <br /><br />But that's the fun of a great bad action movie, and “Transporter 3” is just that. Stuff 'splodes; impossibly sexy girls from Czechoslovakia get themselves into distress; and our hero will sit in his car, all steely eyed, on a bridge with both exits blocked, surrounded by machine-gun-toting henchmen. And yet miraculously, amid the hail of bullets, no one will be hit -- even though the bad guys stand on opposite sides of the hero, unloading ungodly ordinance and their enemy <span style="font-weight:bold;">and</span> each other. Trapped, our hero has only one option left to him: he must drive...<br /><br />And if you need me to finish that sentence, this movie is not for you.<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 123px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbYeGESaGpZ50JDxqcrigncZRB_rZzyBck6SRMVzbADEWTBfFsbN8CpbGZQfKgnTO7iybQ47I3s10bWy1uV6ytqgfDEx80j-fD6pCJ6QUVv1egSaaS56mZd080RxSqJRvkXua4M2Xkti8/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287639781431962050" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 123px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbYeGESaGpZ50JDxqcrigncZRB_rZzyBck6SRMVzbADEWTBfFsbN8CpbGZQfKgnTO7iybQ47I3s10bWy1uV6ytqgfDEx80j-fD6pCJ6QUVv1egSaaS56mZd080RxSqJRvkXua4M2Xkti8/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287639781431962050" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 61px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvLkjey5WyJ6OJ2Kl1bLvXzLHO9Crf5Szv1wK2CrJrehRkLv7fzjnMp8wVl5jYDAZCyVjvQkWs7XdH14PnBMxJ7urkMMAPzwR164ycItb186fhM3d_kZ15f6nME1N3f9belcJ5O6EKJZg/s200/hayek+7+half.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5287639782483370850" border="0" /> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">/ 5</span></span><br /><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah</span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-26877417030788903122008-12-24T18:00:00.002-06:002008-12-27T01:39:55.343-06:00ThreeGeek Presents: Watch These Movies On Christmas!I must admit, I've not seen many of Christmas movies, especially older ones, and the ones I <span style="font-style: italic;">have</span> seen tend to fall between "A family-fun-filled holiday romp" (a.k.a. boring shlop) or "An adult take on the holidays" (see also: crude shlop) So, Sherman has a one-up on me here... and I would not be surprised if Thad does as well. That being said...<span id="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Richard's Holiday Picks:<br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation"</span> (Dir. Jeremiah S. Chechik, 1989) -- 4/5<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"<br /></span><br />This movie has all you could want in a comedy: sight gags, falls and tumbles, witty dialog... and it's just crude enough to be funny without turning into a Farrelly Bros. film.<br /><br />Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase) and his wife Ellen (Beverly D'Angelo) are hosting the extended Griswold family Christmas. This means bringing in their parents (the stellar John Randolph and Diane Ladd as Clark's parents and E.G. Marshall and Doris Roberts as Ellen's), senile Aunt Bethany (Mae Questel) and snarky Uncle Lewis (William Hickey) as well as the lovably dysfunctional Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) and his family. It also features the third set of kids to play Russ and Audrey (Johnny Galecki and Juliette Lewis), and top it all off with the snobbish neighbors played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Nicholas Guest.<br /><br />In typical old Lampoon fashion, little goes according to plan. Christmas trees burn, turkeys fry and Santas fly through the air in a blaze of methane glory. And yet the comedy comes from how true-to-life most of it feels.<br /><br />Besides a great Christmas, filled with enough lights to cause a blackout, Clark wants to surprise his family with news of a new pool he will be installing thanks to his Christmas bonus. He and his family count down the days to Christmas (and the bonus) as the family arrive. Yet life, and family, throw them a curve.<br /><br />I can't pick a favorite moment from this film. Is it the sled racing across hill and highway and into the shack? Or perhaps the squirrel running rampant in the house? And there are always the Christmas lights, and Clark's eventual meltdown near the end...<br /><br />One thing is for sure, this movie is funny the whole way though.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Die Hard"</span> (Dir. John McTiernan, 1988) -- 4.5/5<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >"Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."</span><br /><br />Fuck yeah, "Die Hard!" What Christmas list would be complete without the greatest Christmas (and Action) Movie of all time. I could go into detail about the plot and the actors... but <span style="font-style: italic;">why?</span> If you haven't seen this movie, you fail as an American. And, beyond that, as a human being.<br /><br />John McClane (Bruce Willis, for all of you dirty, unAmerican pinkos out there) is the greatest action hero to ever live. Why? Because he <span style="font-weight: bold;">is</span>. This cop flies back from working the streets of New York City to spend time with his ungrateful wife (Bonnie Bedelia), who would rather have a good job than be with this baddest motherfucker of all time. Still, John misses her and the kids so he goes to her lame corporate Christmas party at Nakatomi Plaza. Little did he know that Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) plans to fuck all kinds of shit up in one of the most elaborate heists of the 1980s.<br /><br />As Hans and his crew start to fucking murder Japanese businessmen and cocky cokeheads, does John run away? <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">No!</span> He drags his shoeless ass through miles of ventilation and kills him some terrorist thieves.<br /><br />John McClane is a <span style="font-weight: bold;">real</span> man. He is not invincible, like some pansy "I'll be back" action heroes, nor does he feel the need to jump out of a helicopter while shooting a tripod mounted gun or yelling "It's ok, I don't shop here!" to supermarket bombers. HE FEELS PAIN, AND HE PUSHES ON. Why does he do it? To save his wife? Because he is a cop? NO! He does it because if he doesn't some German asshole gets away with countless millions in bonds as well as killing a building full of chumps.<br /><br />Watch Die Hard. DO IT NOW! Then try to tell me it is not the greatest motherfucking Action/Christmas/Love Story ever told.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah's Christmas Cavalcade:</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“It's a Wonderful Life”</span> (Dir. Frank Capra, 1946)<br /><br />This holiday classic is loved by millions and stands as a television staple this time of year. It's one of Jimmy Stewart and Frank Capra's most celebrated cinematic offerings. In addition to that though, it just so happens to be one of the greatest American movies ever made.<br /><br />"It's a Wonderful Life" is considered by todays' cynical masses to be "too corny," while simultaneously being hailed by a select few as a dark portrait of failure and repressed rage at life. Personally, I think the former are not giving the film the credit it deserves, while the latter may be reading to much into bad acting by some of the side characters while also misreading the main character's reaction to and towards certain others. Still, that's why I love movies... and art in general. We all saw the same movie, yet we all interpreted that movie in different ways.<br /><br />In this reviewers' opinion, it is an amalgamation of the two theories. I believe it is a dark portrait about failure and repressed rage -- rage at the injustices one believes were unfairly dealt to us. At the same time it is corny... wait, no. No, it's not. And I'll tell you why: “It's a Wonderful Life” is sincere, through and through. It actually believes in the precepts put forth to the viewer.<br /><br />Every time I watch “It's a Wonderful Life,” I cry. <span style="font-weight: bold;">But</span> not always at the same thing. Sometimes I will cry at the end, as most people do -- overwhelmed by the sheer humanity and sacrifice displayed. There are times, though, that I've shed a few tears during the scene where George Bailey defends his Dad to the board of Trustees and Potter, after his father's death. The monologue where Stewart rails against capitalism has moved me beyond words. Yet, still there are times where the tears come with George telling his father how he feels about him over supper on his last night home before college.<br /><br />In short, “It's A Wonderful Life” is a masterpiece that I will review at length some other time. It's one of my favorite Christmas movies and, hell... it just may be one of my favorite movies, period.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“The Shop Around the Corner”</span> (Dir. Ernst Lubitsch, 1940)<br /><br />Many of you may have seen the less sublime, less witty, less human, and in all other ways inferior remake of this movie, starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, known as “You've Got Mail.” Please be so kind as to ignore the movie altogether. There are better movies with Tom Hanks. There are better movies with Meg Ryan. Hell, there are better movies with Tom Hanks <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">and</span> Meg Ryan (my vote is for “Joe Versus the Volcano”), but I digress.<br /><br />Lubitsch's film is not about two people who work together in a shop called Matuschek and Co., who start out hating each other only to discover they were made for one another -- well, it <span style="font-style: italic;">is</span>, but that's not <span style="font-weight: bold;">all</span> it's about. Lubitsch dares to populate Matuschek and Co. with other employees as well and, furthermore, dares to give you glimpses into their lives as well!<br /><br />These are not stock characters put in the movie to be the wacky and sage advice dispensing best friend, the tempestuous boss, the smarmy kid who fires off one liners whenever he's on screen, or various other cliches. That's who they are in other, lesser movies, but in “The Shop Around the Corner,” they are people with hopes and dreams and loved ones who live off-screen, but who we feel must exist because they makes us believe they do.<br /><br />This movie has a very Altman feel to it. By that, I mean it feels like that we are merely peeping into these characters' lives, getting the gist of it and moving on . There are side stories -- in fact the Stewart/Sullivan romance doesn't even take center stage until the latter half of the film.<br /><br />I have much more to say about this movie, but all that's for another time. Until then, take my word for it: this is a Christmas classic worth seeing.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Thaddeus's Technically-Valid Christmas Film Favorites:</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Lethal Weapon"</span> (Dir. Richard Donner, 1987)<br /><br />To be honest, I'd forgotten that the original "Lethal Weapon" took place during Christmas until I caught in on the tube recently. Maybe that's stupid of me, I don't know. Either way, it always makes for a good time. I mean, who doesn't love Buddy Cop movies?<br /><br />North Africans, that's who. Heh... <span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >"It's just been revoked."</span><br /><br />Yeah, yeah... I know. That's from the second one. But that's the thing about "Lethal Weapon" movies. They're like delicious potato chips: you can't eat just one<span style="font-weight: bold;">*</span>. One reminds you of things from the others, and on and on...<br /><br />Watching the four-piece set has you following these characters through over a decade, all told (with rumors of more to come). Riggs (Mel Gibson) gets less crazy... kinda, Murtaugh (Danny Glover) consistently proves that, while he may sometimes say so, he is decidedly not too old for this shit and they transition from partners to friends to family. And isn't that some kind of heart-felt, holiday thingy.<br /><br />It may start with a drugged-up hooker taking a high-rise nose-dive, but it ends somewhere far more special... Gary Busey getting the crap smacked out of him in a thunderstorm. Hallelujah!<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Ghostbusters 2"</span> (Dir. Ivan Reitman, 1989)<br /><br />If you've met me before, you may have picked up on the fact that "Ghostbusters" is my Favorite Movie of All Time and Through All Other Dimensions, Including Ones Where It Was Never Even Created. But its sequel's tenuous connection to the holiday season is not the only reason I meantion it here. "Ghostbusters 2" is a fine, fun and heartfelt film that deserves some holiday acolades, dammit!<br /><br />Also, I used it to save myself from watch "A Christmas Story" for the googolplexth time when I was helping my mom wrap presents last year and she insisted we watch Christmas movies while doing so.<br /><br />But enough of that. What I find so engaging about "Ghostbusters 2" is that, after the first film, Peter Venkman (Bill Murray) did not get the girl (</span><span id="fullpost">Dana Barrett, as re-portrayed by </span><span id="fullpost">Sigourney Weaver). Instead, their relationship eventually disolved and she had a son with some other guy, who we never see. One of the most important things, for me, is the scene wherein Venkman tags along with Ray and Egon (co-writers/renaissance men </span><span id="fullpost">Dan Aykroyd and </span><span id="fullpost">Harold Ramis) to investigate Dana's possibly haunted apartment, only to share a moment with the baby, Oscar (William T. Deutschendorf/Henry J. Deutschendorf II):<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >"Y'know, I shound've been your father. I mean, I could've been..."</span><br /><br />Then he shakes the little baby's hand. It's sweet, damn you! If you want to argue, I'll be hiding behind that thing Sherman said about art and perception.<br /><br />And let's not forget that, in the end, it's the city coming together in the joy of the season that breaks through the wicked Jello-shell erected by Vigo the Carpathian (Also known as Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy... and Wilhelm von Homburg). There's your Christmas (or, y'know... New Year's) spirit -- weilding joy as a mighty weapon against an undead sorceror.<br /><br />Happy Christmas (or whathaveyou)!<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:78%;" >*Do not eat the movies.</span><br /></span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-89976994086331303352008-12-02T06:30:00.004-06:002008-12-25T15:28:56.800-06:00The Queen Nixon -- Double Movie Review<span id="fullpost">“Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown" - Henry IV, Part II<br /><br />That line is presented to the audience on a black screen, followed by Queen Elizabeth II (Helen Mirren) sitting for a portrait. The painter and the Queen have a little back-and-forth about the election that has just seen Tony Blair (Michael Sheen) elected to Prime Minister. After the conversation, the Queen looks the camera directly in the eye and the title flashes onto the screen.<br /><br />This is the opening to Stephen Frears's "The Queen" -- a quiet film, with masterful performances. There were times when I felt lost, or a bit like an outsider looking in, but that's more to my being an American than the fault of the film. It's quite difficult to sympathize with the Royal family, simply because we've been taught that they are unnecessary. Yet, with that in mind, it is an interesting look inside British tradition and government.<br /><br />Granted, the movie is not about either of those things. Instead, it's about England and the Royal Family's reaction to the death of Princess Diana. In reality, what we get is an astonishing portrait of how someone like the Queen handles grief. Not over Diana, for we all know how she felt about her, but for her grandsons who have lost their mother.<br /><br />The movie swings between the Royal Family, Tony Blair's administration, and the varying reactions. Blair, in the beginning, is bemused and somewhat taken aback by the Queen's apparent stubbornness against listening to her public. By the end, though, he too begins to empathize with her. Being someone with great power, it's hard to decide when one should bow to the people's will and when they should stand up against it.<br /><br />Mirren does a superb job at portraying someone who is alive and well and still in the public eye. She plays her without trying to imitate her, choosing rather to imbue her with a restrained humanity. And James Cromwell as Prince Phillip is pitch perfect as always. It is, after all, James Cromwell.<br /><br />The images, both blatant and subtle, are no less than astounding at times. There are moments when the view is absolutely sweeping, as the camera glides through the acres of Balmoral, the Queen's private residence. If you're not careful you'll miss the instances where the movie will subtly symbolize itself. In one scene we see a picture of Princess Di in one of the papers. Later, we see a deer slaughtered and hanging, with the floor about it looking curiously like the background of the picture from the papers. Whether this was intentional or merely the fevered imagination of this reviewer, I can not say. But if it is intentional, then it's absolutely marvelous.<br /><br />I also noted times, especially in scenes with Tony Blair, where the film quality changed for the worse. But while listening to the commentary, (yes, I'm one of <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">those</span></span> people), I heard the director explain that he used different film stocks to present the different classes. Brilliant! If what I've described so far interests you in the slightest, then I'd highly recommend this movie...<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZN-90j6AjCMPyFFyDTqRL5f_XsHMDP_8Vm33fhTYosthTgoWkdhwlD1YOzoutLnxvBvlv8auDGM21uthc16xqUnuJm3KPIv_qAJJ94uxstHH87guChyphenhyphenGdJsXnXPfc0bO6GyP5CMH-psE/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275075396501818882" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZN-90j6AjCMPyFFyDTqRL5f_XsHMDP_8Vm33fhTYosthTgoWkdhwlD1YOzoutLnxvBvlv8auDGM21uthc16xqUnuJm3KPIv_qAJJ94uxstHH87guChyphenhyphenGdJsXnXPfc0bO6GyP5CMH-psE/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275075396501818882" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZN-90j6AjCMPyFFyDTqRL5f_XsHMDP_8Vm33fhTYosthTgoWkdhwlD1YOzoutLnxvBvlv8auDGM21uthc16xqUnuJm3KPIv_qAJJ94uxstHH87guChyphenhyphenGdJsXnXPfc0bO6GyP5CMH-psE/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275075396501818882" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZN-90j6AjCMPyFFyDTqRL5f_XsHMDP_8Vm33fhTYosthTgoWkdhwlD1YOzoutLnxvBvlv8auDGM21uthc16xqUnuJm3KPIv_qAJJ94uxstHH87guChyphenhyphenGdJsXnXPfc0bO6GyP5CMH-psE/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275075396501818882" border="0" /> <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >/ 5</span><br /><br /><br /><br />If not, then perhaps the next film will be right up your alley:<br /><br />“What shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?”- Matthew 16:26<br /><br />From the crown to the President. Oliver Stone's “Nixon” is a bombastic Greek tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, with allusions to “Citizen Kane” sprinkled in here and there. In short, it's everything “The Queen” is not. "The Queen" is a great movie, but “Nixon” is a somewhat-flawed <span style="font-style: italic;">masterpiece</span>. Where Frears is quiet, subtle and restrained, Stone is loud, blatant and totally unhinged.<br /><br />That's not to say it's bad -- it's just American. And don't get me wrong, there are times where Stone is absolutely everything I credited to Frears... if that makes any sense.<br /><br />Richard Nixon (Anthony Hopkins) is portrayed as a man with the potential for greatness, with his biggest flaw being himself. There are moments where Nixon's paranoia and slow descent into madness is almost heartbreaking to behold. Hopkins, well... it almost goes without saying how good he is. Almost.<br /><br />Visually, Stone never lets up. The editing is amazing -- when Nixon is giving his acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention, Stone imposes newsreel footage over the set, to foreshadow the soon-to-be-broken promises throughout.<br /><br />Filled with an all-star cast and a story of epic proportions, Stone proves a master of his craft. The story weaves in and out of chronological order, giving you a Time Lord perspective of Nixon's life.<br /><br />After watching this film, one gets a little mad at Stone for not giving “W” the full Stone treatment. Sure, “W” was good... but not <span style="font-weight: bold;">great</span> and certainly not near the epic “Nixon” is. One wonders why Stone decided to try and finish “W” before the election, effectively dumping out a gutless biopic. Whereas in "Nixon" it's nothing but guts, as Stone asks you to understand this wounded soul.<br /><br />Was Richard Nixon a crook? Undoubtedly so. But thanks to Oliver Stone, you also realize he was also a man cursed by his own psychosis. I can't think of a good way to end this review so I'' just leave off he--<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisiYg4DI2JEURBkPAsDmcX9PKOSNT5XgDYlski9kSUNnoo-1ip8Z9IDowDBb37WvJwAc1DlPBt1lD0p5mnlkeBHc7FK7s_3w21aQKlCvogtZqLSJLmnP4gwHppkESsrLi6kYpXE7ye3CM/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275083344893815570" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisiYg4DI2JEURBkPAsDmcX9PKOSNT5XgDYlski9kSUNnoo-1ip8Z9IDowDBb37WvJwAc1DlPBt1lD0p5mnlkeBHc7FK7s_3w21aQKlCvogtZqLSJLmnP4gwHppkESsrLi6kYpXE7ye3CM/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275083344893815570" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisiYg4DI2JEURBkPAsDmcX9PKOSNT5XgDYlski9kSUNnoo-1ip8Z9IDowDBb37WvJwAc1DlPBt1lD0p5mnlkeBHc7FK7s_3w21aQKlCvogtZqLSJLmnP4gwHppkESsrLi6kYpXE7ye3CM/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275083344893815570" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisiYg4DI2JEURBkPAsDmcX9PKOSNT5XgDYlski9kSUNnoo-1ip8Z9IDowDBb37WvJwAc1DlPBt1lD0p5mnlkeBHc7FK7s_3w21aQKlCvogtZqLSJLmnP4gwHppkESsrLi6kYpXE7ye3CM/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275083344893815570" border="0" /> <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" > <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKAblXTnLqA7IwZAHZOxlXIGySB1AyXTExqgn4n7PIQJBRkT5lJ5zwDf8JE3-o_gZHv_RYZHVSJLQclvls7EOCy1CQTw-6I7Nos-X6NE-1fh6b38BO1eMnLhLNoXCxgTCKeqkOQd5FC-E/s200/hayek+5half.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275084398894724690" /><br /> / 5</span><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /></span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-46229686549741611752008-11-21T06:30:00.003-06:002008-11-26T20:33:13.304-06:00"Quantum of Solace" -- Movie ReviewLast Thursday, I saw the newest installment in the 007 anthology. There were cars, guns and girls, oh my! There were foot-chases on roof tops, hotels in the middle of the desert that exploded and time enough left over to take in an opera. But I'm getting ahead of my self -- first thing's first...<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />“Quantum of Solace” is not so much a sequel as it is an epilogue, a coda of sorts, while at the same time setting up plot points for future installments and hinting at the grander scheme of things.<br /><br />The film starts off, as Bond films must, with an action scene. Right here is where the film's been taking a beating from other critics. Let me pause for just a moment to say my piece. <br /><br />The director, Marc Forster ("Stranger Than Fiction," "Monster's Ball") is a brilliant director. Ask any of we Three Geeks about “Stranger Than Fiction” and you'll hear us say, in no uncertain terms, that it is one of the top, under-rated masterpieces of the past decade. That being said, the man <span style="font-weight: bold;">cannot</span> direct an action scene. <br /><br />Sure, the action was riveting, but only because action scenes, by their very existence, are inherently riveting. I found myself asking “How did that happen?” or “Wait...did he just... what?” These queries arose because of the bane of my existence (not counting Ashton Kutcher): the shaky-cam. The shaky-cam diminishes the raw badassitude of action by replacing suspense and awe with confusion and annoyance.<br /><br />So, where were we? Ah, yes: the beginning of the film. 007 (Daniel Craig) and M (Judi Dench) and a few nameless others (*cough* <span style="font-style: italic;">red shirts</span>) are interrogating Mr. White, the gentlemen Bond shot in the leg at the closing of “Casino Royale.” They are attempting to find out who was behind Le Chiffre and, in doing so, stumble upon a secret and obscenely powerful organization bent on, well... the usual stuff: exploitation of natural resources, the simple-minded masses, the poor and pretty much anything else you can abuse for wicked profit. I believe this organization, known as Quantum, is poised to become the modern analog of SPECTRE, the evil organization previous 007s combated. <br /><br />While interrogating Mr. White, one of the red shirt nobodies suddenly attacks Bond and M, White escapes and a hefty body count is left behind. And the double agent, as it turns out, was M's personal bodyguard. After a foot chase, Bond kills the traitor. The fact that Bond can not keep from killing his targets, instead of interrogating them like a proper agent, is sort of a running gag throughout the movie.<br /><br />"Quantum of Solace" is mainly about Bond coming to terms with the death of Vesper Lynd, from the previous film, and avenging the attempt on M's life... though she'd never hear that from Bond. What's most fun about the new Bond is that he's <span style="font-style: italic;">complex</span>. We're never quite sure where the rage is coming from. <br /><br />Not to mention the new Bond seems to be of the old world thinking. There are good guys and there are bad guys. He can not fathom this new trend amongst his peers to do business with the bad guys simply because it is more profitable. He is at a loss at the “It's the cost of doing business.” philosophy.<br /><br />On top of that there is a new Bond Girl, Camille (Olga Kurylenko), a feisty Russian who is on a vengeance quest of her own. She seeks the Dictator General who killed her family and burned her home, scarring her as a child. Here's where the movie is smart. Bond and Camille do not become lovers. We do start to see Bond the womanizer, but with Camille he finds more of a kindred spirit -- a fellow wounded soul -- and instead of bedding her, helps her. Probably because her target is doing business with his target, Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric), a sort of business man/eco-terrorist?<br /><br />In reality, it doesn't matter. The far more interesting thing, other than the interplay with Camille, or even M, is the return of Mathis (Giancarlo Gianni), one of Bond's ex compatriots from “Casino Royale.” If you recall, Bond believed him to be in league with Le Chiffre and allowed him to be tortured for information by MI6. If Camille is a kindred spirit, I believe Bond sees Mathis as what he will become. They form a quite touching friendship, with glimpses of fascinating dimensions. There is a moment in the movie where Bond says goodbye to Mathis, and it is one of most touching moments in Bond history. It bears a slight resemblance to the shower scene in “Casino Royale,” where he holds Vesper in comforting embrace. It has that kind of resonance.<br /><br />I haven't touched on the plot all that much simply because the plot, while good, is not the reason to see the movie. Well, not the <span style="font-style: italic;">real</span> reason, anyway. Marc Forster may have failed at the action scenes, but more than makes up for it in the character interaction and development of Bond. Of course, it doesn't hurt that he has one of the best Bonds in the franchise to work with. Daniel Craig once again shows that, at the very least, he's the best-acted Bond on record. <br /><br />Is it as good as “Casino Royale?” No. “Casino Royale” was, on the whole, a better film. Yet “Quantum of Solace” has the most compelling character relationships and developments of the series. See “Quantum of Solace” for the action, remember it for it's characters.<br /><br /><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 123px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpJUBGZV_-OXaGfkoiOwwgxorj3olDn2Z67WS8AJb1qCuiTHKkMR9pOFfHY23L0hLSAlG6L7Q_TQwiirwZ1AFGE4Fn9eeIuds28KTPMwv1jMkYuArBiwfdqMplDDsl2V197sG3uqm13ioQ/s200/hayek+7.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273159292392411506" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 123px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpJUBGZV_-OXaGfkoiOwwgxorj3olDn2Z67WS8AJb1qCuiTHKkMR9pOFfHY23L0hLSAlG6L7Q_TQwiirwZ1AFGE4Fn9eeIuds28KTPMwv1jMkYuArBiwfdqMplDDsl2V197sG3uqm13ioQ/s200/hayek+7.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273159292392411506" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 123px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpJUBGZV_-OXaGfkoiOwwgxorj3olDn2Z67WS8AJb1qCuiTHKkMR9pOFfHY23L0hLSAlG6L7Q_TQwiirwZ1AFGE4Fn9eeIuds28KTPMwv1jMkYuArBiwfdqMplDDsl2V197sG3uqm13ioQ/s200/hayek+7.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273159292392411506" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 61px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqEzU0Up6Jf8hRZo8KIFO_iOzaoUAKehbeGLn0zc4QatsziyYTg8oy2OeWm7tA7zFb3qq2PnUBQjcwtonuwju0YvDAls9zZV1RDQpetNXABnKTHmFgjemy7O65nKkWwZJAiWI_Yo_jg8le/s200/hayek+7half.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273159614208893890" /><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah</span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-557309700759372792008-11-18T17:38:00.003-06:002008-11-18T17:51:50.790-06:00Letter From The EditorReturn of content? Professionally-designed website? Robots that fight crime?<br /><br />Let's not get ahead of ourselves...<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />ThreeGeek.com will, over the next couple months, be reborn into something that not only <span style="font-style:italic;">actually exists</span>, but also includes new, improved and vastly expanded content.<br /><br />But until the dawning of this glorious new day, we'll be reviewing things once again, starting off with Sherman's forthcoming review of "Quantum of Solace" and a few overly whiny essays from myself about Superman and/or Batman.<br /><br />Kloiber might do something to? I dunno... we're learning these things <span style="font-style:italic;">together</span>.<br /><br />-Thad out</span>Thaddeus Stoklasahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10208104780531190810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-41237930005019705982008-10-07T19:38:00.009-05:002008-10-07T21:46:15.804-05:00Sherman's Annual October Movie MarathonWell it's that time of year again: October. Time for the annual <b>October Movie Marathon</b>, where I attempt to watch, at the very least, 31 horror movies. This ranges from the outright terror of “The Exorcist” to the total schlock of “The Unnameable II.”<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />The important thing to remember about the <b>October Movie Marathon</b> is that we welcome all comers. I'll be watching anything and everything under the sun as long as it was made with the intent to scare, lock you in an uncomfortable level of suspense, shock you with gore or make just you squirm. <br /><br />“Why?” you may ask? Because I love movies, goddamn it! I love them to the point where, when a genre is overly criticized, I want to come to it's defense... and horror movies have long been the bane of existence to critics and overtly zealous Christians. They have good reason, don't misread. There are a lot of severely bad and exploitative horror films out there -- but you can say that about any genre. Horror movies have the potential to be hauntingly beautiful, such as Guillermo Del Torro's "Devil's Backbone," or downright frightening, like "The Exorcist."<br /><br />The problem with horror movies is the same basic problem with all movies, only more so: they are <i>extremely</i> subjective. What scares me is not the same thing that scares you, or vice versa. Sadly, another problem is the over-commercialization of the genre. Long gone are the days with interesting ideas, characters you genuinely feel for, monsters that are actually original, and the greatest loss of all -- the absence of subtext!<br /><br />For the most part, the best horror movies are <b>not</b> about what you think they're about. Rather, there's an underlying film behind it. You can have a truly horrifying movie with strong social commentary, just look at "Candyman" or the original "Wicker Man." More than that most horror movies deal with the two things that scare us the most: death... and <i><b>sex</i></b>. Take the 1939 “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde,” or “Candyman,” “Hellraiser,” “Dracula” in any of incarnations -- the list seems endless. The genre has been so co-opted that the sex has been used as “sexy” as opposed to “uncomfortably sexy”, such as in sex scene from “Don't Look Now.” These sex scenes used to be a statement about our innate fear and uneasiness with the openness of the subject. Oh sure, we're advanced and far more open, but you cannot tell me the topic no longer taboo. Sure we can joke about it, but as for talking seriously about sex -- we're a long way from that. But that's one reason why I love horror movies, they use sex as a way to make you queasy as opposed to aroused; they actually pervert your perversions... awesome.<br /><br />Then there are the slasher films -- these are hit and miss as well. Jason, Micheal, Freddy and a few other low budget rip-offs are dead, but there's still another string of rip-offs going strong. Why? Simple: it's what you could call our “Gladiator complex.” We enjoy watching pretty stupid people get, not just killed, but slaughtered. Does this make us bad people? No, not really. These people are so unreal it's not even funny. A five-year-old could write better characters. Yet, it's a way to work out our frustrations on our fellow man... to watch them be brutally beaten in a sleeping bag against a tree.<br /><br />And let us not forget the truly great thing about horror movies: besides being wonderful social commentary about race, sex and socio-economic issues, they're also terrific indicators of the times in which they're made. Go back and watch horror movies from 20-30 years ago. You may not be scared by some of them -- they were made in a different era, with their own set of phobias, stresses, world policy issues and views on the opposite sex or, once again, sex in general. The original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” in comparison to today, is not really all that gory, partly due to it being so low budget, but also because Toby Hooper knew the audience was already over-saturated with images of violence from news footage of the Vietnam War. Society's mind was so conditioned to think violently that all Hooper would have to do would be to suggest the act and the audience's imagination would take them to a place he wouldn't even think of.<br /><br />By and large, horror movies -- along with westerns -- are on the decline. Mainly because I believe filmmakers have forgotten the potential for imagery the genre holds: Frankenstein's monster in his cell, kneeling and reaching towards the light; the scene from “Creature From the Black Lagoon” where The Creature is swimming underneath Julie Adams and there's this moment of breathtaking empathy of the creature; any scene from “Nosferatu,” the original or Werner Herzog's remake; the same for Del Torro's “Devils Backbone” or Ingmar Bergman's “Hour of the Wolf”; Lee Remick falling off the railing in Richard Donner's “Omen" or, hell... Patrick Troughton becoming priest-ka-bob during a storm after trying to warn Gregory Peck. All this, and I haven't even touched Hitchcock yet.<br /><br />In summation, this marathon is a classic one and is very dear to my heart. There will be the ones I watch every year: “Evil Dead”, “Sorority House Massacre II,” “Re-Animator” and others. Then there will be those I've never seen, such as “Saw,” “Hostel” and “John Carpenter's Vampires.” There will be some crapter-pieces, to be sure, but there should also be some gems to be unearthed. All in all, it should be interesting. Here's hoping that decapitations, topless sorority girls, monsters, characters we care about and awesome ideas will be abound. <br /><br />Probably not so much on those last two, but hey... on the whole decapitation and topless sorority girls thing, rest assured it's a done deal.<br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /></span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-47605068704768076122008-10-01T12:00:00.000-05:002008-10-03T12:29:22.547-05:00Help! We've been swallowed by the Internet!A combination of relocation, schedule shifts and cosmic radiation storms have paralyzed the workings of the ThreeGeek Machine.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />Things should even out in a few days, if you'll be kind enough to bare with us. October holds some interesting movie and game releases... and those guys at DC are still trying to kill Batman. Believe me, you'll be hearing about that.<br /><br />That's right, now that my work schedule is deflating, you'll definitely be getting more yap from me -- <span style="font-weight:bold;"><span style="font-style:italic;">suckers!</span></span><br /><br />-Thad out<br /></span>Thaddeus Stoklasahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10208104780531190810noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-35745422442241593562008-09-18T15:56:00.014-05:002008-09-18T19:31:50.327-05:00"Burn After Reading" -- A ThreeGeek Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Richard:</span><br />"It's what he does, he is a spy... but you can be a spy too."<br />It's what a divorce lawyer tells </span><span id="fullpost">Katie Cox (Tilda Swinton)</span><span id="fullpost"> when she approaches him about her husband, and that just so happens to be the plot of the latest Coen Bros. film, "Burn After Reading," as well as the downfall of everyone in the film.<br /><br />A CIA analyst<br />A doctor<br />An ex-Treasury agent<br />A children's author<br />3 personal trainers<br /><br />These are the main players in the film.<br /><br />Osborne Cox (John Malkovich), the analyst, just quit his job. Katie, the pediatrician, is married to Osborne but not really happy about it. Harry Pfarrar (George Clooney), the ex-Treasury agent, is married to children's author Sandy (Elizabeth Marvel), but is sleeping with Katie -- and whoever he can find -- on the side. Meanwhile, personal trainer Linda Litzke (Frances McDormand) thinks that she needs copious amounts of plastic surgery to find a man.<br /><br />Osborne starts his memoirs, Katie makes a copy of his finances to take to the lawyer, and Linda puts an add out on an adult personal site. The copy of the finances ends up at the gym that Linda works at, Harry ends up meeting Linda online and hit things off and her co-worker Chad (Brad Pitt) uncovers "The Shit" inside the finances. "The Shit" is believed to be state secrets that Linda and Chad decide to blackmail Osborne with in order to to pay for her plastic surgery.<br /><br />That's right, two gym junkies try to blackmail an ex-CIA operative for information they don't even understand.<br /><br />From this point on, all hell breaks loose. Everyone starts fucking everyone -- in more ways than one -- and the CIA can only sit back and wonder just what the hell is going on.<br /><br />I loved this film, but it does have its flaws. The dialog is brilliant, but a bit convoluted at times. The acting is brilliant, and the cinematography is brilliant. The Coen's do a fantastic job, but it's not their best work. (Still, a "bad" Coen brothers' film is usually one of the best movies of the year, so pay no mind to that. Not everything is "Lebowski.")<br /><br />In typical Coen fashion the audience has no idea what's coming next. After a 20 minute long farce act, someone will be shot in the head, or after a heartfelt speech, Harry unveils his "contraption" to change the mood. It's like a big "What If?" comic, and that is the real brilliance.<br /><br />See it; you will thank me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >4/5</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah:</span><br /></span>The Coen Brothers latest opus is a foolish odyssey into the lives of fools behaving foolishly. Make sense? If not, then I would suggest passing on this and see something else, I hear “Step Brothers” is a <span style="font-style: italic;">fine</span> film. For those of you who did understand that first sentence, and who know that the one after was a lie, then drive to your nearest multiplex for the closest thing to mindless fluff the Coens have come to.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />I say “closest” because, while it is fluff, it is neither mindless nor without pathos. "Burn After Reading" is populated with stupid, greedy people who, of course, don't realize just how selfish they are. So busy is everyone at believing they're unfairly put upon, none of them realize just how good they have it. They're all so inept that their greed and obtuseness to the beauty in front of them is both sad and hilarious.<br /><br />Linda Litzke (Frances McDormand) is PR lady at a fitness gym called Hardbodies. Her best friend and co-worker Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt) is a giant doofus: inept, but sincere. He cares about Linda as a friend and his only serious flaw is that he lacks any grasp of the potential gravity of the situation. The fool in a Greek tragic-comedy.<br /><br />Osborne Cox (John Malkovich) is a CIA analyst who's just been demoted for being an alcoholic. He has, shall we say, anger issues. He believes he is trapped in a world of morons. His flaw is that he does not consider himself one of them, which he so clearly is -- just somwhat smarter. A brilliant moron. His wife, Katie (Tilda Swinton), does not take the news well. Osborne and Katie are having troubles in their marriage. In fact, Katie wants a divorce. She's been thinking about it for some time, while simultaneously having an affair with Harry (Geroge Clooney), an ex-Treasury Agent.<br /><br />Osborne plans to write a memoir exposing the bureaucracy and hypocrisy of the CIA. Meanwhile, Katie, planning for the divorce, needs to know their financial status. In doing so, she accidentally copies information from said memoir and, through an ingenious incident of coincidence, the disk is be found by a janitor at Hardbodies. And Linda starts to date Harry -- who, if you recall, is sleeping with Katie.<br /><br />As one CIA Agent says to his superior, played beautifully by J.K. Simmons (who has perfected the part of being funny behind an office desk), “It's a bit hazy. It seems they are all sleeping with each other.”<br /><br />One of the pleasant surprises of “Burn After Reading” is that it's really a sexual satire embedded into a comedy of Espionage. What happens when self-serving, cynical people screw over other self-serving cynical people? They get screwed.<br /><br />The film is not bereft of innocents, though. There's Chad, who genuinely does not understand what's going on, and there's Ted (Richard Jenkins), Linda's manger, who truly loves Linda for who she is -- even if Linda doesn't love herself that much. As is typical of the Coens, you don't see things coming and, even if you do, you don't foresee their inherent tragedy.<br /><br />I said earlier that the film has pathos, and it does. The brothers do a wonderful job of letting us know that, while these people are selfish, they are not without redeeming qualities. Harry, it turns out, really does love his wife... even if he does repeatedly cheat on her. His true testament of love, her “gift” that he built himself, is one of the best laughs in the movie.<br /><br />Even Linda is really a nice person, she has just listened too much to society and believes she needs to be perfect looking. One also senses the Coens poking fun at the Hollywood obession with youth in McDormand's line" “With this body, I would be laughed out of Hollywood.” To which her manager, Ted, replies, “I dunno, some men find your body sexy.”Linda's reply and Ted's hurt expression in his eyes are perfect examples of the pathos I'm talking about.<br /><br />While it's pretty straight-forward and shallow in plot, the characters' emotions of longing and hope are deep, even if their thinking isn't. Joel and Ethan Coen, more than most directors today, have the ability to create an entire reality within their frame. More than a world, it's as if they exist in a parallel dimension, just slightly outside of our own. Even if their characters are caricatures, their worlds never are. I was moved almost as much I was laughing, which is fantastic -- but not surprising, considering it is the Coens, after all.<br /><br />There is a line toward the end of the movie that I think sums things up pretty well. J.K. Simmons's character asks his underling, “What have we learned from this? Anything? If we have I don't know what it is.”<br /><br />I'm perfectly okay with that.<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-83RvwISH7xINpQ_wZBFDymleN0tSlm5PgWexgmwZVP06kdWy9sFWH_cyFmaUFdzdB8HEUgopZkppYajIpBOHt5sco5hga_KjWIwumB0s9_KveLBBaxCfX2ZtwHy1RpUrQnw4RX0Xshi/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5247487442827460850" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-83RvwISH7xINpQ_wZBFDymleN0tSlm5PgWexgmwZVP06kdWy9sFWH_cyFmaUFdzdB8HEUgopZkppYajIpBOHt5sco5hga_KjWIwumB0s9_KveLBBaxCfX2ZtwHy1RpUrQnw4RX0Xshi/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5247487442827460850" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-83RvwISH7xINpQ_wZBFDymleN0tSlm5PgWexgmwZVP06kdWy9sFWH_cyFmaUFdzdB8HEUgopZkppYajIpBOHt5sco5hga_KjWIwumB0s9_KveLBBaxCfX2ZtwHy1RpUrQnw4RX0Xshi/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5247487442827460850" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-83RvwISH7xINpQ_wZBFDymleN0tSlm5PgWexgmwZVP06kdWy9sFWH_cyFmaUFdzdB8HEUgopZkppYajIpBOHt5sco5hga_KjWIwumB0s9_KveLBBaxCfX2ZtwHy1RpUrQnw4RX0Xshi/s200/hayek+5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5247487442827460850" border="0" /> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">/5</span></span><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Thaddeus:</span><br />Somewhere between infidelity, espionage and good old-fashioned human stupidity, something magical lies -- or, if not, "Burn After Reading" sure makes it look that way. If you've followed the Coen Bros. film career, it should be obvious that they do misunderstandings like nobody's business, "The Big Lebowski" being the favorite example -- but if that's all you've seen, you're doing your entertainment-hungry brain a disservice. The Coens are like good movie machines.<br /><br />If you've reached this part of the review stack, you have to know the plot by now: Some airheads (Frances McDormand and Brad Pitt) stumble across the memoirs of a disgruntled, ex-CIA agent (John Malkovich) and hatch a blackmail sceme. Lechery abound. Everybody involved thinks they know what's going on, while the people observing (such as J.K. Simmons as the nameless CIA Superior) look on in awe at the sheer absurdity of it all.<br /><br />The bottom line is that it's a smart, stupid comedy -- or a stupid, smart comedy? Either way, its something special. If you're a fan of film noir conventions turned sideways, you'll have a blast. I certainly did.<br /><br />Scenes were stolen more than the mcguffin in your average James Bond movie, as tends to happen when you put this many thoroughly entertaining actors on one strip of celuloid. Brad Pitt's lovably idiotic Chad was, well... he was the perfect doofus. The ultimate Zen Master of nitwits. George Clooney, on the other hand, played the man many women likely wish he was -- the guy who will, and does, sleep with anyone. And J.K. Simmons ties the whole film together with the best possible ending line.<br /><br />I can't pick a favorite performance out of the bunch, and it's not just the ones above: Frances McDormand as the cheerful, image-obsessed non-mastermind; Richard Jenkins as her unrequitedly loving boss; John Malkovich as the drunk and cheerless ex-CIA number-cruncher; and Tilda Swinton as, well... an icy bitch. Helluva cast.<br /><br />Full of hard-gear shifts between comedy and stark seriousness (and murder), "Burn After Reading" is <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">the</span> weird, satirical, black comedy/drama to see in theaters right now.<br /><br />So do that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >4</span> out of <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >5</span><br /><br />-Thad out.<br /></span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-62308050358859253172008-09-15T21:25:00.018-05:002008-12-26T09:56:04.953-06:00"Traitor" -- A Several-Geek Movie Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Jeremiah:</span></span><br />I love Jeff Daniels. I'm saying that right off the bat. He has a way of making his characters seem natural, complex and, most importantly, sincere. I consider Mr. Daniels, along with the other Jeff (Bridges), Danny DeVito and Brian Dennehy as the most criminally underused big-name actors working today. And then there's Don Cheadle, who is everything I said above and more.<br /><br />There are times in Jeffrey Nachmanoff's "Traitor" when Cheadle blows everyone off the screen with just a look that hints at his character's sense of longing and regret, while at the same time simply making sure he's not being followed. The Paul Giamatti syndrome if you will -- everyone is fantastic, but then you get this one guy in the group who makes everyone else look better, while at the same time totally out-acting them.<br /><br />You're probably wondering about the movie right about now, as well as you should. It's great. Hell, </span>I'd venture to say "Traitor" is a good bet for at least one Oscar nod -- it's just that good.<span id="fullpost"> Nachmanoff and his co-writer, Steve Martin -- yes, <span style="font-weight: bold;">THE</span> Steve Martin -- have not only managed to cobble together one of the best spy movies in general, but also presenting one of the best spy movies in the post 9/11 climate. All this while daring to craft the whole movie with no real bad guy; it's done from a humanistic angle. The main thesis you could say is "Not all terrorists are Muslims and not all Muslims are terrorists."<br /><br />The plot concerns itself with Samir (Don Cheadle), a Sudanese Muslim who sells explosives to terrorists. Or does he? During one of his business transactions he meets Omar (Saïd Taghmaoui), a fellow Muslim. The meeting is raided and the two are arrested. Samir and Omar form an unlikey bond of friendship and Samir is recrutied into Omar's orginazation. Or does he? If you've seen a preview for this movie then you already know the answer. The movie's biggest surprise is that that's is not what the movie is about. It's what moves the movie along, but it's not the why.<br /><br />Samir quotes the Qur'an several times throught the film, questioning the legitimacy of his new freind's methods, all the while asking himself: "Why?", "Why do people have to die for this?" and, if so, "How many?" I don't know the answer and frankly neither does the movie. "Traitor" is not interested in the answer; the answer is different for everyone. Sometimes the beauty comes just from the question being posed.<br /><br />There are also two FBI agents who have a parallel story, bent on intertwining with Samir's: Agents Roy (Guy Pearce) and Max (Neal McDonough), whose mission it is to seek out and stop terrorism. Roy has a Phd in Arabic studies and goes for the less popular, but <span style="font-style: italic;">always</span> more effective, route of knowing and understanding your enemy. Max is the muscle; a man who punches first asks questions later, only to wonder why Samir didn't kill Roy when he had the chance. Roy simply answers, "Probably because I didn't hit him."<br /><br />Pearce and McDonough do fantastic jobs.<br /><br />The five of you out there who watched "Boomtown" will be happy to see McDonough again doing a fantastic job as his partners foil. He has the thankless job of asking Roy questions so the audience can get the answers, and yet he does so gladly. For his part Guy Pearce does an amazing job of reminding us that he is, in fact, a badass. He plays Roy Clark with subtlety, yet there is a seething flamboyance threatening to erupt in a moments notice. You can see it in his eyes. His ability to convey this with how he sits and the looks he gives is on par with, well... everyone else in this movie.<br /><br />Even Saïd Taghmaoui as Omar manages to almost convert you to Islam extremism, such is the magnetism of his charm. He's like an Arabic George Clooney. I kid, of course, but he does an amazing job of letting you inside the mind of a terrorist. It's the age old maxim, "The best villains are the hero in their own stories."<br /><br />The dialogue, at times, succeeds wonderfully at being Mamet-esque. The story is solid and transforms into a lovely Shakespearean spiral toward the end. By that, I mean actions with the perceived hope of one outcome have a tragic and opposite outcome causing the characters great agony and propelling the plot to it's inevitably tragic conclusion.<br /><br />Jeffrey Nachmanoff has not exactly set the film world on fire with his previous films, which include the likes of "The Day After Tomorrow," a movie unseen by me... and most other people as well. Yet with "Traitor" he shows that maybe all he needed was a chance. Or this could be the law of averages working into his favor; even Joel Schumacher made a couple of decent flicks. Either way, I anxiously await Nachmanoff's next project.<br /><br />I fear this review has not done the movie justice and the fault is mine. Regardless, I urge you to see "Traitor." It's the smartest, slickest and the most human movie in theaters at this time.<br /><br /><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjCmi987KpwMBq-Kw8eviAaH1xHdsDOMhtHpTPSnXxoqp8RrutuOsDqbOYMyg-eQPB-rsEpfnmrBN9bfWV7vYEE49a5ZHI6QZfGUeVLmUGRYa5bl1yhRkRCHBoKk2MFYtlhXROcuwreV1/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246472218488106578" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjCmi987KpwMBq-Kw8eviAaH1xHdsDOMhtHpTPSnXxoqp8RrutuOsDqbOYMyg-eQPB-rsEpfnmrBN9bfWV7vYEE49a5ZHI6QZfGUeVLmUGRYa5bl1yhRkRCHBoKk2MFYtlhXROcuwreV1/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246472218488106578" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjCmi987KpwMBq-Kw8eviAaH1xHdsDOMhtHpTPSnXxoqp8RrutuOsDqbOYMyg-eQPB-rsEpfnmrBN9bfWV7vYEE49a5ZHI6QZfGUeVLmUGRYa5bl1yhRkRCHBoKk2MFYtlhXROcuwreV1/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246472218488106578" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhjCmi987KpwMBq-Kw8eviAaH1xHdsDOMhtHpTPSnXxoqp8RrutuOsDqbOYMyg-eQPB-rsEpfnmrBN9bfWV7vYEE49a5ZHI6QZfGUeVLmUGRYa5bl1yhRkRCHBoKk2MFYtlhXROcuwreV1/s200/hayek+5.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246472218488106578" /> <img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj16cNGoyAZpr6ZWWTTW6XF7P0fmrg7DIBo7wliLCQsx5gcNOk1S0YX2M5smE2lf6glERpYPhsrhWlDkNdaiks36yZqazevfGeoWAqDx_wu0qvBytr-QwMzOw8P9Fbm_3oqzIzqkF22No3q/s200/hayek+point5.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5246472456149097778" /> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">/5</span></span><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Thaddeus:</span><br />It's hard for me to say much at all about "Traitor" now that Sherman has the bases so thoroughly covered. Seriously... this will be criminally short.<br /><br />The main thing I want to underline is the point about terrorism shown from the human angle. The terrorists are human beings with their own motivations coupled with a disturbingly unshakable certainty that their path is correct. In reality, like in a good story, everyone is the hero from their own point of view -- especially the villains. Assumption of right causes more problems than just about anything else in the world, and nowhere is that more apparent than here... at least in regards to entertainment.<br /><br />Also, much like "The Departed," "Traitor" highlights the grim cost of undercover work. How far is too far when it comes to saving lives... especially when it starts to cost them?<br /><br />Deep stuff. "Traitor" is definitely a film for all those who love to think long and hard about the dark, complicated world we all cling to.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4</span></span> out of <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >5</span><br /><br />-Thad out<br /></span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-29811772338869337472008-09-10T01:13:00.007-05:002008-09-10T01:32:43.864-05:00"Whatever Happened to ThreeGeek Review?"Those handful of you that still swing by from time to time must have noticed a marked decrease in output as of late. As <del>Lord and Master</del> Editor of this domain, any delay in the delivery of content is at least <span style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-weight:bold;">somewhat</span></span> my fault (though the percentage tends to vary widely), so for my part I apologize.<br /><br />But nuts to that; let's talk updates.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />Sherman and I caught "Traitor" last weekend and soon we shall spread tales of its glory. I'd do it tonight, but I just gt off a 13 hour shift -- and you ain't the boss of me.<br /><br />Plus, a Super Cohen Bros. movie lurks just past yonder horizon. If there are any other movies coming out this week, I <i>couldn't care less</i>*.<br /><br />And preparing yourselves for an onslaught of superhero-related commentary in the near-future might not go amiss.<br /><br />My hyper-overtime deathschedule is winding down, so prepare to see some life breathed into this shoddy shell of a website.<br /><br />...<br /><br />Just not, y'know... <i>right now</i>.<br /><br />-Thad out<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* It really frays my nerves when people say "I could care less" to mean "I don't care." If you could care less, that means you do care. Are we too lazy to even use contractions now. I swear, sometimes it's like I'm watching you people devolve yourselves right back to grunts and chest thumps.<br /></span></span>Thaddeus Stoklasahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10208104780531190810noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-22827851437905313642008-08-27T12:07:00.002-05:002008-08-27T12:07:00.696-05:00Sherman: UP All Night -- "Bad Girls From Mars"In my last review I found that I had prophetically typed the words “... I've found my stinker to beat.” As the self-fulfiller of prophecies that I am, I decided my next movie was to be “Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory” -- "was" being the operative word, because the movie arrived broken, so I was forced to watch the other cinematic excrement that came via Netflix. It definitely had promise. The title alone gave off a repugnant stench of celluloid failure.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />“Bad Girls From Mars” was the title and Fred Olen Ray was the man responsible -- the very same man who gave us “Star Slammer.” Suffice to say, my flesh crawled with anticipation. Oh, my friends... had I only heeded the warnings of my DVD player. Indeed, modern technology itself tried to save me from my hubris by refusing to play the movie by flashing a “Disc Error.”<br /><br />Sadly, for you and me, the player eventually relented to its true master, which loosely translates into me wiping the disc on my shirt, blowing into the DVD player ala 1980s Nintendo revival technique and opening and closing the DVD tray numerous times. That exercise out of the way, it was time for the hell to begin... and boy did it. Try as I might, there was no way I could fight this surround-sound hell, even with my sidekick, Samuel Adams, by my side to numb the pain. It wasn't enough my friends, IT WASN'T ENOUGH!<br /><br />What would you say if I were to tell you that there exists a movie that has an average of two tits every three seconds? Mind you, that's a rough estimate -- could be less, or possibly more, but we'll go with that estimate... and it doesn't even matter. <span style="font-style: italic;">IT DOESN'T MATTER!</span> The movie is one giant black hole to anything remotely entertaining. I denounced humanity as a whole at least twice during this nightmarish experience.<br /><br />I know, I know... you're saying: “Okay Jeremiah, we get it, it sucked, but what was the movie <span style="font-style: italic;">about</span>?” <br /><br />What was the movie about? Go fuck yourself, that's what the movie was about.<br /><br />Sorry, I was little angry there... with myself more than anyone.<br /><br />So where were we? Ah, the point of this torturous, tedious, hell. It is, in point of fact, a movie within a movie. (Ha-ha! Double the hell!) A bad, softcore-ish, sophomoric, Z-budget movie about making a bad, softcore-ish, sophomoric, Z-budget movie. As fate would doom it, the movie within the movie is entitled... (Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?) “<span style="font-weight: bold;">Bad Girls From Mars</span>.” That's right. And beyond that, it's a supposed sequel to Ed Wood's “Plan 9 From Outer Space” -- historically, one of the worst movies ever made. <br /><br />To reiterate, the shit within the shit is actually a <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">sequel</span></span> to an even bigger pile of shit, throw it all together and... <span style="font-style: italic;">EWWWWWW!</span><br /><br />The movie concerns itself with the fact that production of “Bad Girls From Mars” is fraught with peril, disaster, and <span style="font-style: italic;">muuurrder</span>. The main actresses (actressi?) can't seem to keep their tops on... or their <span style="font-weight: bold;">heads</span> (wah-wahhhh). One of the precious few saving graces of the film is the amount of deaths it contains.<br /><br />I know it's a movie, and I know those are actors playing a part, but I took a certain sadistic glee in imaging that the actors themselves were being slaughtered -- with the exception of Oliver Darrow, who plays director T.J. McMasters, and his secretary. They're the only two things about this movies that kept me from applying for a gun license. Darrow seems to be the only actor on screen with a modicum of talent and his secretary was the hottest girl in the movie, because she looked comparatively realistic. Then again, that could be the Boston Lager talking, so don't hold me to it.<br /><br />I could tell you more about the movie, but I just don't care enough. Quite frankly, neither should you. Movies like this make baby Jesus cry. Fucking Piece Of Shit.<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6OjQq05kQpy7COU2L97TW4LEWLoEvYcuOSBWJiarN4cWBIhOgDj_fs7aDZg3lLvPz1MZis_IRRTealPxc3QX_1k3C01m4pIv4af5R47fEcxY-HynjroqkdA3EUZvR7zq61Jj3B-FRtEc/s200/half+hayek+3.5.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238999025436523426" border="0" /> <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >/ 5</span><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah</span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-67849220650746096652008-08-26T14:53:00.009-05:002008-08-26T20:14:54.841-05:00"Death Race" -- A Multi-Geek Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah:</span><br /></span>“Death Race” isn't a film so much as it is pure, testosterone-fueled insanity.<span id="fullpost"> There are races, there's death and more racing, followed by more death, fighting, racing, death again and, oh yeah, plenty of what one might call “jiggly” women. They jiggle... all the time. In fact, I was actually kind of disheartened when I was informed that women really don't exit vehicles like they do in this movie.<br /><br />It's hard to hate “Death Race” for the simple fact that "Death Race" <span style="font-style: italic;">knows</span> it's "Death Race" and wastes little time in getting things started.<br /><br />The opening informs us that the movie takes place in the future and that the economy has fallen due to massive inflation, thus causing crime rates to skyrocket. The result being an overcrowded prison system, run by private corporations who concoct ingenious plans for both decreasing the surplus population and lining their pockets with fat stacks of cash. Now, before some of you start to get interested in the possible social commentary, the movie quickly forgets this and focuses on Jason Statham's ethnicity which, for the unfamiliar, is full-blooded badass.<br /><br />Statham plays Jensen Ames, a former race car driver turned steel mill worker who ends up losing his job when the plant closes down. Later on that night, a masked man breaks into his house, murders his wife and frames the Statham. Before you can say, “Thank goodness it wasn't a one armed man,” he's in prison, where Warden Hennessey (Joan Allen) forces him to race. On top of that, they want him to assume the identity of the incredibly popular and recently deceased masked driver, Frankenstein, what with him being the hero to both the prisoners and the population at large, ala, “Rollerball.”<br /><br />We meet his pit crew, headed up by Coach (Ian McShane) who, while not really doing anything at all, manages to make everyone else look like little girls -- sort of like Samuel L. Jackson in “XXX.” We also meet Frankenstein's co-pilot/navigator, Case (Natalie Martineez). At this point, I would like to applaud the filmmaker Paul W.S. Anderson (Please God do NOT confuse him with the brilliant Paul <span style="font-weight: bold;">Thomas</span> Anderson, who is also not to be confused by the transcendent <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Wes</span></span> Anderson) for filming his exploitative opus on what most assuredly is fire-proof celluloid. I say this because Natalie Martinez is, well... you know... she's hot.<br /><br />Anyhow, suffice to say there are other racers as well, but the creme de le crème is the track itself, for in order to activate the vehicle guns and defense mechanisms (oil slick, smog, tacks and such) they have to run over these huge buttons in the ground -- a plot point that had me and the other Two Geeks making no end of Mario Kart jokes throughout the film.<br /><br />See “Death Race,” don't see “Death Race,” ultimately it really makes no difference. It's a high-octane exploitation flick that exploits everything from your emotions, women, cars, violence, cheesy writing and just film in general. I'm fine with that, really. When you walk into a movie with a title like “Death Race” starring someone like Jason Statham you should only be looking for three things: death , racing and Statham kicking someone's ass to a pulp. This movie has all three of those things in mass quantities. It made me giggle.<br /><br />Am I a better person after this movie? Maybe... but probably not. Yet I'm strangely okay with that.<br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii2FzYVQkCbZOYElcgzPQAo5WksPGlhfxaOkbT6Sd_8tZHEqYAeyeeB21hRySIG6ETuJiYLwLGVaTKB8uf_P7CEaxiYHwY0RAtOwPxipASX5QelQnTEp1dTJy6v2o_0xNmg5QVwlKlynTX/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238970871391842146" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii2FzYVQkCbZOYElcgzPQAo5WksPGlhfxaOkbT6Sd_8tZHEqYAeyeeB21hRySIG6ETuJiYLwLGVaTKB8uf_P7CEaxiYHwY0RAtOwPxipASX5QelQnTEp1dTJy6v2o_0xNmg5QVwlKlynTX/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238970871391842146" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii2FzYVQkCbZOYElcgzPQAo5WksPGlhfxaOkbT6Sd_8tZHEqYAeyeeB21hRySIG6ETuJiYLwLGVaTKB8uf_P7CEaxiYHwY0RAtOwPxipASX5QelQnTEp1dTJy6v2o_0xNmg5QVwlKlynTX/s200/hayek+7.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5238970871391842146" border="0" /> <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >/ 5</span><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Thaddeus:</span><br />We <span style="font-style: italic;">need</span> bad movies. And I don't mean bad like "X-Files: I Want to Believe" bad or last year's violently tragic "Dragon Wars" bad, I mean like <span style="font-style: italic;">Schwarzenegger</span> bad. Notoriously, classically and endlessly, entertainingly bad.<br /><br />The formula should be easily recognizable by now: the future sucks, government corporations control everything and people are placated by prepackaged, live-broadcast murder. "The Running Man" will always be my favorite example of the genre, but there are plenty more: "Rollerball," "Robot Jox" and, of course, "Death Race 2000."<br /><br />While I hate to admit it, I've never seen the original "Death Race 2000" movie -- even though it combines gladiatorial vehicular homicide with the combined, insurmountable acting prowess of Sylvester Stallone and David Carradine under the dismal backdrop of a futuristic America in the far-off year 2000.<br /><br />Damn... why haven't I seen that movie?<br /><br />Anyway, it came as quite a shock when "Death Race" brought a lot more quality to the screen than this particular genre is used to. I mean, c'mon... Jason Statham has, at times, been a real actor (See: "Snatch" -- no jokes, please)... even if his emotional range is somewhat limited by the fact that he always looks kinda angry.<br /><br />"Death Race" is an excellent use of a tub of popcorn and an hour and a half of your time. What do you want? If you can't appreciate a good, high-speed, action extravaganza... what are you doing at the movies? You must be the kind of people who didn't like "Grindhouse." Don't talk to me.<br /><br />The plot is, as Sherman previously described, not overly cerebral, but the world is populated by so many cool characters and crazy situations that it hardly matters. The whole "Frankenstein" garage crew is pretty entertaining: particularly Ian McShane as the grizzled Coach and Frederick Koehler as Lists, the nerdy whiz-kid who makes me wonder why he was incarcerated in the first place. Joan Allen's Warden Hennessey is perfectly on-key as the icy, heartless master-villain and I spent the whole movie wanting Hennessey's sadistic lackey/prison guard Ulrich (Jason Clarke) to die horribly... so I guess that means he did his job, right?<br /><br />The only real problem I had was the utter lack of Stallone and/or Carradine. Catch "Death Race" if you get a chance. It's <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">fun</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >3</span> out of <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >5</span><br /><br />-Thad out</span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-72872558674047128322008-08-18T20:11:00.013-05:002008-08-18T22:18:15.144-05:00"Tropic Thunder" -- A Nearly Three Geek Review<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" id="fullpost" >Thaddeus:<br /></span>"Tropic Thunder" was packed with comedically brilliant performances. It was both totally stolen by the side characters <span style="font-weight: bold;">and</span> completely dominated by the principals.<br /><br />I don't even understand how that <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">works</span></span>.<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />But the bigger point here is that I'm about to gush about a <span style="font-style: italic;">Ben Stiller</span> movie -- this is huge!<br /><br />Don't get me wrong... I don't harbor the same roiling animosity for young Stiller's work as I do for Will Ferrell's brand of "comedy," but let's just say that flicks like "Zoolander" and "Meet the Parents" have never come near drawing this many laughs out of me. It was fantastic.<br /><br />Aside from starring, Ben Stiller also co-wrote, directed and called in every famous person he'd ever met to pop up in cameo roles, making "Tropic Thunder" into the definition of what a big-budget comedy should be.<br /><br />The fake trailers and commercials at the opening of the film were almost worth the trip by themselves, if it wasn't for the rest of the movie. After the strong opening, the movie may take a few minutes to fully win you over, but there's one particular explosion in the jungle that basically lines up the rest of the movie as a home-run hit.<br /><br />As for the main guys: Stiller's vapid action star character, Tugg Speedman, manages to come off as endearingly idiotic, rather than just the regular type, and actually grows through the course of the movie... sort of; Robert Downey Jr. steals as many scenes as he can get his hands on as the over-the-top and obviously mentally unbalanced "serious actor," <del>Russell Crowe</del> Kirk Lazarus; Jack Black makes drug withdrawal even funnier than it already is as fart-comedian Jeff Portnoy; Brandon T. Jackson has to deal with Downey Jr.'s insane attempts to bond with him as sell-out rapper Alpa Chino; and Jay Baruchel plays the other guy... whose character name escapes me. He's great, though. Basically the straight-man and, considering who he's surrounded by, that's a helluva load to carry.<br /><br />And we're not even to the brilliant bit-players yet -- and I mean that with all due deference. How can we even hope to list them all? Matthew McConaughey becomes the best agent an actor could ever hope for in the role of Rick Peck, "Pineapple Express's" Danny McBride blows up everything in sight as Cody, the half-cocked pyrotechnician; Steve Coogan seems to be teasing us about his upcoming "Hamlet 2" headline role as the movie-within-the-movie's director, Damien Cockburn; and Tom Cruise just... man, you gotta see it.<br /><br />The Summer of Adventure downshifted into a roaring Late-Summer of Comedy. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Good</span> comedy, even. Between "Tropic Thunder" and "Pineapple Express," there is literally <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">no reason</span> to consider seeing "Disaster Movie" whenever it comes out.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4</span></span> out of <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">5</span></span><br /><br />-Thad out.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Jeremiah:</span></span><br />The most amazing thing about “Tropic Thunder”is that it's directed by Ben Stiller. I tell you this because “Tropic Thunder” is a solid movie. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's just as good as “Pineapple Express.” But if you want a definitive "Which is better?" answer, all I can say is it depends entirely on my mood.<br /><br />Both movies require a basic knowledge of movie cliches for their particular genres. “Pineapple Express” had action movies, while Stiller's “Tropic Thunder” covers the whole Hollywood machine. The more familiar you are with how seriously Hollywood takes itself, the more you will appreciate the genius of this movie. In retrospect, it shares a lot in common with the brilliant, yet under-appreciated, “Bowfinger.”<br /><br />I shan't be going into detail about the plot. If you want to see “Tropic Thunder,” you already know what it's about. Also, I don't feel like giving you exposition. Anyhow, everyone does an outstanding job. The movie takes some odd left turns, but they do so with aplomb and talent (Critic speak for "really good twists").<br /><br />It should come as no surprise to anyone that Robert Downey Jr., as Kirk Lazarus, does a fantastic job. The person who really surprised me was Ben Stiller. I'm not a huge Stiller fan. Oh, I like him alright, it's just that his presence in a movie is not a factor in my decision making process when it comes to seeing said movie or not.<br /><br />Suffice to say, this is his most enjoyable work.<br /><br />Yet it's the side characters that steal most of the thunder. Danny McBride -- who some of you may remember as Saul's supplier, Red, from “Pineapple Express” -- and “Undeclared” alum Jay Baruchel. Both of whom manage to upstage their counterparts: McBride with Nolte and Baruchel with, well... an amazingly talented ensemble. I guess upstage is the wrong word. More like they glean laughs from their fellows. In a way, that's what's most surprising: it's an ensemble piece.<br /><br />There are cameo's galore, with big-name actors lending their times to give you fully fleshed-out side characters. I will </span><span id="fullpost">say </span><span id="fullpost">only two things: 1.)How can anyone not like Matthew McConaughey? Seriously, he's like a stoner version of Tom Hanks. 2.) JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT!<br /><br />For those of you don't know me: before there was Salma Hayek, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, Anne Hathaway, Tyra Banks, Penolpe Cruz, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Christina Ricci, Selma Blair, Summer Glau, Eliza Dushku, Chraisma Carpenter, Kristen Bell, Lauren Ghram, Billie Piper, etc., etc., etc., there was the ever-lovely Jennifer Love Hewitt.<br /><br />The moment I saw her on screen, I clapped -- [Warning: "Dark Knight" plot info ahead] and I haven't clapped that hard since a certain police commissioner revealed that he was, in fact, <span style="font-weight: bold;">NOT</span> dead. I know... it's a sad, lonely, pathetic life I lead. Could be worse. I could be the guy who reads the writings of said sad, pathetic, lonely guy.<br /><br />Ouch! Did that hurt!?<br /><br />Back to the business at hand: “Tropic Thunder” is a really good movie. It's part of a trend I'm hoping to see more of: <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">funny</span></span> comedies. Common sense dictates that the phrase is redundant and assumed -- but take into account the numerous, tragically unfunny “American Pie” straight-to-video sequels; or the (Insert Genre Description Here) Movie movies; or, sadly, even the National Lampoon offerings that have been thrown at us in the past few years and you'll see what I mean.<br /><br />Thankfully, movies like “Pineapple Express” and “Tropic Thunder” are around to reassure us that it's okay to laugh and be stupid while still maintaining some competence, not just in film-making, but comedy in general.<br /><br />Thank you, Ben Stiller, for continiuing this streak. God speed, Speedman.<br /><br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbWWQZFfG7odPP5MdxFqgR6CSSVciAHOmFAq_EOZfaNWhzmz4XUKTljviX4i2DGZNs39t26LEHseKpPTW6xSSET4YRIXj_6nDYKDp5AhdmBKT-TlXGwgm0sl-HqbEhuBi1_wS4vC1VViqV/s200/one+hewitt.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236051652908172194" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbWWQZFfG7odPP5MdxFqgR6CSSVciAHOmFAq_EOZfaNWhzmz4XUKTljviX4i2DGZNs39t26LEHseKpPTW6xSSET4YRIXj_6nDYKDp5AhdmBKT-TlXGwgm0sl-HqbEhuBi1_wS4vC1VViqV/s200/one+hewitt.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236051652908172194" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbWWQZFfG7odPP5MdxFqgR6CSSVciAHOmFAq_EOZfaNWhzmz4XUKTljviX4i2DGZNs39t26LEHseKpPTW6xSSET4YRIXj_6nDYKDp5AhdmBKT-TlXGwgm0sl-HqbEhuBi1_wS4vC1VViqV/s200/one+hewitt.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236051652908172194" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzJaVSq62aqUQWbQ0SXX0edbujyCTCE0NzaheMocbjir11IZahAvDLg4P1Ce6oQXvcUMuIRqwTOijQIWJl9s7TzqhFc1cjoOGrNMCg1Kvo2JQhH6Xf8y79r06fU_wAuufR08GgAmAUHmbR/s200/half+a+hewitt.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5236051908662525362" border="0" /> <span style="font-weight: bold;">/ <span style="font-size:130%;">5</span></span> Hewitts<br /><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Richard:</span></span><br />[Update to come(?)]</span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-62524724897550105452008-08-15T15:00:00.002-05:002008-08-15T16:49:54.033-05:00Sherman: Up All Night -- "Star Slammer"<span id="fullpost"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234608360203411346" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; CURSOR: pointer" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqUT_Sx3i-x4EB5r_l76_zdrqHSvSy7awsElPCRYHu_fiCuocW09z1uYtT6y5DhtIFjzFf53Mzq8hVxoyfXVF4UPXMCbFR0nYtRhsGsJIsMOYxFsoz0goe-VC1b2Q_T8UrRJa9-UZXqg/s200/star+slam.jpg" border="0" /></span>Today, I'll be shielding you from Fred Olen Ray's “Star Slammer” -- otherwise known as "The Adventures of Taura Prison Ship Star Slammer."<span id="fullpost"><br /><br />First off, let's look at that title. I know what you're thinking: there should be a colon, a semi-colon or at the very least a comma there, but no... that's the title that flashes onto the screen. The last part is the real beauty: "Prison Ship Star Slammer." Is the title just being redundant, or is the prison ship named Star Slammer? Admittedly having a prison ship called “Star Slammer” is both stupid and redundant. In fact, I'm betting even money that the makers of this movie don't even know or, for that matter, care. The feeling is mutual.<br /><br />It's hard to believe that we're only three movies into “Sherman: Up All Night” and already I've found my stinker to beat. Say what you want about “Time Barbarians” and “Zapped,” they at least had a particle of entertainment value to them, if only by sheer accident. Then along comes “Star Slammer,” a futuristic, women-in-prison movie, without so much as the obligatory shower scene. O tempora! O mores!<br /><br />The plot, and I use the term loosely here, has Taura (Sandy Brooke), a miner of some sort, being framed for the murder of a priest and arrested for disfiguring a government official who tried to rape her. How about that, folks -- we started with a movie that had rape, went to a movie that only <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">implied</span> rape, and now we have a movie that merely <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">attempted</span></span> rape. Things are looking up.<br /><br />But sadly, the movie doesn't end there.<br /><br />After arriving on the prison ship, Taura is subjected to abuse from her fellow prisoners as they initiate her into the cell block. She's then taken to meet the warden, Warden Exene (Myra Gant), a busty dominatrix who enjoys her job far more than anyone enjoys this movie. Taura is promptly groped and propositioned by the warden -- so the movie at least has the decency to adhere to <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">some</span></span> of the time-honored rules of women-in-prison movies.<br /><br />From there on, it's nothing but trials and tribulations for our heroine and her fellow inmates, who she manges to befriend after showing she can hold her own. Then, wouldn't you know it, half-way through the movie a new crew member is brought aboard and it's none other than the government-employed, disfigured, rape-attempting dynamo: Bantor (Ross Hagen)!<br /><br />Long story mercifully short, the prisoners plan an escape, all out “war” breaks out on the ship and all the bad guys get their comeuppance.<br /><br />The only kind thing I can say for the movie is that it single handedly employed the entire Midget Actors Guild. I counted at least eight midgets -- though it may have been the same two midgets over and over. That, and Sandy Brooke really has no problem baring her chest monkeys*. There's even a scene where she changes out of a bloodied shirt while staring directly into the camera in a bizarrely unsettling fashion. I'm not gonna lie, she's got nice..."talent." Her sweater vipers**, the midgets and the over-the-top-of-Mt. Everest performance by Myra Gant as the Warden are the only reasons this movie gets anything more than a half Hayek from me.<br /><br />At the end of this movie, they tell you watch the further adventures of Taura in “Chain Gang Planet.” I don't like being threatened, Mr. Ray, and I'll thank you if you would simply return the 81 and ¾ minutes of my life and back away slowly, without touching any film equipment.<br /><br />I deducted the amount of time I was entertained by jiggling breasts, barely covered asses and unflinchingly bad performances.<br /><br />...<br /><br />FUCKING MOVIE!<br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234610107402295314" style="CURSOR: pointer" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgto_rXriJwgb9ZjwVEoOwr0w2o66Sr3BSB3Vj3hU5_feGQvk03fXrM0V0vkQY8p5XNHsGwSHMXYApcFdZkX2nlYI7Up7spn1bl90PMF0dfDQczM1nzsG0UuZyFDQJCn5pa0kdGyFH2dC4/s200/phpIvlaCe_c3PM.jpg" border="0" /> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">/ 5</span></span><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">*<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Editor's Note:</span> Chest monkeys?</span><br /><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">**Another Editor's Note:</span> Sweater <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">vipers?</span></span></span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-66009972910411957732008-08-14T23:30:00.004-05:002008-08-15T00:01:08.673-05:00"Pineapple Express" -- (Almost) Three Geek Review<span id="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Jeremiah:</span><br /></span>"Pineapple Express" is two things: 1) One of the best stoner movies since "Half Baked" or "Harold and Kumar," and 2) One of the funniest action movies ever made.<span id="fullpost"> The writing super-team of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, the same dynamic duo that brought you one of the greatest modern-day teen sex comedies in "Superbad," got together again to parody/pay homage to the action genre of the '80s and '90s.<br /><br />The plot is actually quite straight-forward, as we've come to expect in true action movies. Dale Denton (Seth Rogen) is a process server who likes to get high... a lot. After visiting his dealer, Saul Silver (James Franco), to get a very special blend of pot -- the titular Pineapple Express -- he goes to make his last stop for the day, one Ted Jones (Gary Cole). While outside his target's home, he decides to light up and, soon after, witnesses Ted and a police officer killing a man. Mayhem and hilarity ensue while Dale and Saul try to outrun and outsmart Ted and his cohorts, one of them being the crooked cop, Carla (Rosie Perez).<br /><br />The genius of the movie is how the director, David Gordon Green, realizes that not everybody in the audience is a stoner, so there are plenty of just great gags in and of themselves. One example is the conversation Dale has with Red (Danny R. McBride), Saul's dealer, about karma and the possibility that, when you die doing a heroic act, you come back "as a dragon or fuckin' Jude Law."<br /><br />The style and comedy is very much that of “Superbad.” It's a brilliant mixture of conversationalist humor, sight gags and people doing stupid shit. When the movie is not being funny, it at least has the courtesy to be an actual <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">movie</span> and deal with plot issues, which is more than I can say for the other Judd Apatow produced movie in theaters right now -- “Step-Brothers” -- which has the audacity to, when not being funny, just hit you over the head with the joke until it tires itself out... and then just goes on to another unfunny and/or uncomfortable attempt at humor.<br /><br />“Pineapple Express” doesn't ask you to care for it's characters. You do that all on your own. By the end, you find yourself branding the hapless duo "lovable idiots." There was nary a scene where I was bored. I will admit, at the beginning I was a little afraid, that it would pull a “Step-Brothers,” having put all the best scenes in the previews. However, I can proudly assure you that the best scenes are found solely in the movie. Everyone does a fantastic job, from Rogen down to Kevin Corrigan, the cardigan sweater-vest wearing hit-man and his partner Matheson, played by Craig Robinson. The real stand-out performance is surprisingly <span style="font-weight: bold;">not</span> Rogen, but James Franco. Franco takes an idiotic, stoner lay-about and manages to, god help me, find the humanity in him. The chemistry between Franco and Rogen is a joy to watch -- particularly in a scene where Dale tries to explain to Saul that the car battery is dead.<br /><br />All in all, I enjoyed myself. If you liked “Superbad” and were less than impressed with “Step-Brothers,” then you'll love this. If you hated “Superbad”....well I'm just going to stop right there and say I almost don't even wanna know you. Suffice to say, “Pineapple Express” left me feeling good, which is all I ask from stoner/buddy/action/comedies.<br /><br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReGlplGnUwPkl8DVMu5UExdWLcB2wi63OroCuS9Lswxo7rIXMvKcAglaoOqN8O36-yZLwnW5K1QH2DDhD69IJxrbJ_95UuzDK-GbL7Ekqpe48tBYXspXK6ryCeFdldTqy-n0baqzMTh4Z/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234592458580917170" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReGlplGnUwPkl8DVMu5UExdWLcB2wi63OroCuS9Lswxo7rIXMvKcAglaoOqN8O36-yZLwnW5K1QH2DDhD69IJxrbJ_95UuzDK-GbL7Ekqpe48tBYXspXK6ryCeFdldTqy-n0baqzMTh4Z/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234592458580917170" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhReGlplGnUwPkl8DVMu5UExdWLcB2wi63OroCuS9Lswxo7rIXMvKcAglaoOqN8O36-yZLwnW5K1QH2DDhD69IJxrbJ_95UuzDK-GbL7Ekqpe48tBYXspXK6ryCeFdldTqy-n0baqzMTh4Z/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234592458580917170" border="0" /> <img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMv-GsAfjR5oL8NVUFRRUdgDOb79632k-VzZN_oGR-JS05vpNFP4Cu0gUp40bKLq_946lwFHdS68lUA8EYkIa9fjxhCys1Cakx91Rwzwq5SRRm-E5V44vdtRVmx2MIGB5vqNXYujPeSnhA/s200/phpK6J3AF_c2PM_half.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234592617275477650" border="0" /> <span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" >/ 5</span><br /><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Thaddeus:</span></span><br />"Ghostbusters" will always be my favorite movie, but my love of movies can be blamed mostly on "Clerks" -- and don't worry, this is going somewhere. It wasn't the pervasive profanity or "Star Wars" references that locked that movie in my mind forever, it was the pitch-perfect portrayal of friendship between Dante and Randal. They weren't just movie people, they were <span style="font-style: italic;">people</span>.<br /><br />"Pineapple Express" has that same, special reality to it. Main men Dale Denton and Saul Silver feel like they just stumbled out of a convention of People I Knew (or At Least Kind-of Knew) in College. They're average, inept guys thrust into a spectacular situation. The classic, film noir "wrong man" plot hasn't looked this hilarious since "The Big Lebowski" turned it on its ear.<br /><br />The movie is like a long string of individually brilliant moments combine to make some sort of theatrical Voltron, here to defend us from bland, samey comedy. There are scenes so pure that I may never be able to get them out of my head, such as Dale and Saul sword-fighting with sticks as they wander through the woods... who <span style="font-style: italic;">doesn't</span> immediately do that when confronted with an aptly long twig?<br /><br />Okay... maybe that's just another one of my neurotic obsessions, but it ties the film to whatever weirdness qualifies as reality for me.<br /><br />Also, Sherman was right about James Franco. He completely runs away with this movie. Being a giant nerd, I was really impressed with Franco in "Spider-man 3" -- y'know, the one that everybody else didn't like. The amnesia-induced friendship between Harry Osborn and Peter Parker was what really kept me on board -- if you can't tell, friendship is something I love to see done well in movies.<br /><br />Oh yeah, and there are awesome car chases, gunfights and explosions.<br /><br />This is what comedy <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">should</span> be. The ignorant thought-criminals behind the endless string string of god-awful parody movies should be taking notes. "Pineapple Express," like "Shawn of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz," not only pokes fun at various genres, but it also fits perfectly within them. It's an action/comedy that is both packed with action and consistently hysterical.<br /><br />"Pineapple Express" has once again restored my faith in film comedies: sharp writing, honest performances and the ability to be stupid without being dumb... or is it the other way around? The endless retreads of the "[Fill in the Blank] Movie" series had about broken me, but here I was laughing in a theater again. It felt <span style="font-style: italic;">good</span>.<br /><br />See "Pineapple Express." And if later this month, some strange, cosmic radiation causes you to consider seeing that assuredly abysmal "Disaster Movie,"<span style="font-weight: bold;">*</span> just see "Pineapple Express" again.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4</span></span> out of <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">5<br /></span></span><br />-Thad out<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">*</span><span style="font-size:78%;">Yeah, I know... I'm judging before seeing. Let's just say the previous evidence is not in their favor and leave it at that.</span></span>Three Geek Reviewhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15661564543113030809noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-1005371245699129002008-08-12T00:38:00.010-05:002008-08-12T20:16:30.432-05:00Sherman: Up All Night -- "Zapped"!What would you do if you were granted telekinetic powers by some accidental lab explosion? How would you deal with the ability to move objects, and affect physical reality with a mere thought? Would you try to submit the entire human race to your will, and appoint yourself as new the World Overlord? Or, if not the world, at least Australia?<span id="fullpost"> Maybe you'd theorize that you're the next logical step in evolution, that there might be others out there like yourself and therefore use your abilities to find them and help them cope with their new powers? Would you harness your powers and don a mask and cape and come to the aid of all those in need as a super-powered hero of sorts?<br /><br /><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvRKLNbUQdDow-dmCnFEeCQdgDkc6S7XOU8UR8rJ4h3hyphenhyphenakxG2ls0sZjI_-ViyHEUUxboSVL3Mfz8X8J9O3vNx-HW9W9JvTT4YIrtCc3dPwcQDXaCk9ywDEe0iHZOrsfusEGpzlPuliaY/s200/ZappedBigPic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233505744676638482" border="0" />Well, Robert J. Rosenthal and Bruce Rubin got together and wrote a movie about what would happen if a high schooler got these powers. So, what would happen if Professor Xavier got his powers by accident... in high school? Apparently, as this movie shows us, he'd be a brilliant putz and use his powers for nothing at all.<br /><br />Barney Springboro (Scott Baio) is the shy nerd of Blankity Blank-Blank High. He's the boy genius who only wears glasses when he's in the lab -- presumably because, although he's usually the only one in there (with the exception of his close friends who already know how smart he is) it makes him look smarter. Anyhow, Barney is quite the little Einstein, even has a little framed picture of the dude on his lab wall. He has nearly free reign over the high school's science lab -- again, presumably because he's the only science student in the entire school. We never see anyone else with so much a science book, or even loitering within ten feet of the lab, excepting the aforementioned friends.<br /><br />Let's digress a bit and talk about those close friends for a sec. There's Peyton Nichols (Willie Ames) as Barney's loyal sidekick and fellow societal outcast. The problem is, he's not really. I mean he <span style="font-weight: bold;">is</span> in the movie, but consider this: he's cocky, smiles all the time, wears a letter jacket as if it's part of his anatomy, drives a nice car, his parents are rich and he plays on the baseball team... a <span style="font-style: italic;">sports</span> activity. Oh, and he's also the school paper's photographer -- never mind that he uses the photography angle to snap pictures of girls. So, in essence, why is he not popular? He has all the ear-marks of a jock, even down to the way he treats women. By all rights he should be popular. The only reason I could subscribe his lack of popularity to was that he was a giant douche bag.<br /><br />Seriously, Peyton may well be one of the silver screens' biggest douche nozzles. Case in point: he finally bags the girls of his dreams, Jane (Heather Thomas), and in order to fake maturity -- that's right, I said fake maturity -- he spins lie after lie to Jane, who apparently finds "maturity" a turn-on. So, Peyton lies about all these adult problems he's facing. Long story short: she believes him, they have sex and <span style="font-weight: bold;">he <span style="font-style: italic;">photographs</span> it!</span> Later on in the movie, when faced with his college rival for Jane's affection, he whips out photos of the act to supposedly show that there are no hard feelings, all while smiling this giant “I'm a complete choad!” smile.<br /><br />He even goes so far as to cajole Barney into the seedy worlds of drugs and gambling. Well... growing weed on school grounds and cheating at the roulette wheel on a college campus. To top it all off, he talks Barney into cheating at their last ball game. Barney uses his powers to have them win by... a slight amount, actually. Nothing astronomical. Like, <span style="font-style: italic;">two</span>.<br /><br />Peyton aside, there's the baseball coach, Dexter Jones (Scatman Crothers), who may well be the saving grace of this film. There's never a dull scene when Scatman's involved. In fact, he's the reason Barney has his powers. Dexter accidentally spilt some of his hidden stash of Jack Daniels into a miracle-gro-like concoction of Barney's. Said beaker falls over after he leaves and BANG!<br /><br />More on that later, though.<br /><br />Later in the movie, Barney and Peyton's stash is discovered by the faculty, so Barney and Bernadette (Felice Schachter) -- his female friend who evolves into his girlfriend -- throw the weed into the school furnace. Scatman catches them, assumes they were doing what teenagers usually do in school's basements and gives Barney a wink and advises him to take her somewhere nicer next time. He then proceeds to open up the furnace, only to inhale the copious amount of weed smoke. Ohhhh, the Wackiness!<br /><br />Seriously though, he has a hallucination that involves Einstein and him horseback riding, which turns into a them being chased by the coach's wife in a chariot... and she shoots hams at them.<br /><br />I bring the bit about Einstein up because there's an interesting tidbit involving the actor portraying him: Jan Leighton. According to IMDb, he is recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records of 1998 as having portrayed 3,395 roles in theater, film and in television since 1951. Holy fuck, man!<br /><br />This brings us Bernadette. She is what was known in the movies of the 80's as the "ugly nerd." Or, what is known to anyone with half a brain as the <span style="font-style: italic;">other</span> hot chick in the movie. Bernadette is the voice of reason, not to mention the obvious love interest. She realizes how much of a tool Peyton is and endeavors to enlighten Barney on that fact. For being such a bright kid, Bareny is a fucking idiot. I realize that's part of 'fun': “Don't you see? He's <span style="font-style: italic;">sooo</span> smart, but he can't see what's right in front of him!” Yeah, I get it. But Scott Baio is no Kurt Russell, and Kurt Russell was a fucking genius in high school <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">and</span> college (that joke gets no explanation -- if you don't get it, then telling would make no difference).<br /><br />Back to the movie: Barney uses his power, as I've stated before, to help his baseball team win by a slight margin, cheat a college roulette wheel, makes his model of the Starship Enterprise fly and manipulates his ventriloquist dummy in such a way as to convince his mother that he is possessed. I know, I know... you're wondering about the nudity right? Let me tell you, for a movie advertising itself as a teenage sex romp there was surprisingly very little nudity. In fact Barney only rips open like, I dunno... three shirts with his powers. All of them with the intent to humiliate.<br /><br />And then there's the end.<br /><br />The end consists of Barney realizing the Peyton is an asshole, Bernadette is the girl for him and that the whole school must pay -- Carrie style! Okay, not really. He causes a huge gust of wind blow through the auditorium, somehow tearing everybody's clothes off. It's all fun and games, with everybody trying to cover up their various parts, until we see a few groups of big guys grab some of the hotter girls -- girls who scream in PROTEST -- and the guys just laugh as the camera pulls away. Even Jane, Peyton's “girl” has her clothes ripped off and she runs away. Peyton turns to the camera does a Groucho Marx stance, twirling an imaginary cigar, smiles a creepy smile and hollers in the most oily voice ever: “Ohhh, Jane!” Then he takes off after her. So really, the movie ends in a giant, orgiastic, implied rape scene.<br /><br />Barney gets carried away, bringing out the fire hose and accidentally bonking himself on the head. Uh-oh, powers are gone. Guess he'll have to go back to being a normal kid now, you know... like he was before when had his powers! As he and Bernadette leave the multiple sex crime scene -- a.k.a the gymnasium -- a weird purplish light envelops the two </span><span id="fullpost">and they take flight over the city landscape</span><span id="fullpost">. Apparently, Barney lied, He's more powerful now than ever! That means he's probably going to... do absolutely nothing. Barney is a putz.<br /><br />Despite the best efforts of the screenwriters, the director (Robert J. Rosenthal), Scott Baio, the douchness of William Ames, a plot where a kid gets amazing powers and does nothing with them and the outright disturbing prom scene with it's uber-misogynistic undertones, “Zapped!” was still better than “Time Barbarians.”<br /><br />Still, what in the holy hell was with the purple forcefield in the end? Fucking Movie!<br /><br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWJFkdn6wD0EAzsOyMiZ9_Z_3uCR7gXLS0_1FyGhU1hxBquVhLILwvBB_UpWxRq_CIxGigmIW04EEGweCGa1lqTftmD31dL6mdy5SDLQ3bOQpa4Z5EZeaWgcHHqeRjaGMvd9eMnFcucDI/s200/phpDQ4eo4_c1PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233505336340966018" border="0" /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWJFkdn6wD0EAzsOyMiZ9_Z_3uCR7gXLS0_1FyGhU1hxBquVhLILwvBB_UpWxRq_CIxGigmIW04EEGweCGa1lqTftmD31dL6mdy5SDLQ3bOQpa4Z5EZeaWgcHHqeRjaGMvd9eMnFcucDI/s200/phpDQ4eo4_c1PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5233505336340966018" border="0" /> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">/ 5</span></span><br /><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br />Jeremiah</span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-15372412188558631382008-08-07T14:36:00.005-05:002008-08-07T16:08:59.145-05:00"The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" -- Movie ReviewI don't know if you've noticed, but 'mummy' is a ridiculous word -- and hearing it over and over through the course of a near to two-hour movie doesn't do it any favors.<span id="fullpost"> That being said, the newest entry in "The Mummy" series manages to be surprisingly entertaining, despite it's nominal hangups. <br /><br />The previews for "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" (man, I love long and overwrought titles) didn't do much to drum up excitement. Maybe it was the massive amount of CG and various over-the-top whatnot. In any event, it turned out there was nothing to worry about. Well, not much.<br /><br />After some exposition explaining the life, accomplishments, betrayal and death of the titular Dragon Emperor (Jet Li), the film follows the continuing adventures of Rick O'Connell (Brendan Fraser) and his lovely wife Evelyn (Maria Bello, formerly played by Rachel Weisz) -- or rather, their <span style="font-style:italic;">lack</span> of continuing adventures. Turns out, retired adventure heroes are pretty amusing to watch. So, as the husband and wife deal with the boredom of living in a giant mansion filled with priceless Egyptian treasures, their son Alex (Luke Ford) helps unearth the lost tomb of, well... you probably get it by now.<br /><br />Parents come to China, Emperor is resurrected as a super-powered, undead man-monster and a fun time is had by all. Car chases, explosions and gunfights become the name of the game pretty fast, and for good reason. <br /><br />You may know the director, Rob Cohen, from his more recent movies like "Stealth," "XXX" and "The Fast and the Furious." Story takes a backseat to action, and it's better off for it. They're not exactly breaking new artistic ground here. The love story between Alex and the mysterious Lin (Isabella Leong) is your pretty standard action movie romance, and not nearly as entertaining as watching Rick and Evelyn do the whole married, former adventurers thing.<br /><br />Then, of course, we have Jet Li as the villain and Michelle Yeoh as the immortal witch Zi Yuan, who cursed the Emperor in the first place. Awesome people, and they both do solid work, but we've seen them in masterpieces... and this isn't one. <br /><br />Then again, Jet Li was in last year's abysmal action flick "War," so I guess it could always be worse.<br /><br />The effects are, for the most part, supercool -- especially when it comes to the mummified, monstrous, living-statue form of the Emperor. The shape-shifting stuff they throw in later on isn't quite as solid, but then there's the other living statues, the undead army and the gang of yeti... so I'll let it be.<br /><br />All in all, it was fun. A cool, refreshing return to entertainment after the train-wreck that was the second "X-Files" movie. Not a must-see-in-theaters affair, but a decent popcorn flick and definitely worthy of a small screen viewing once it rolls out into the home market.<br /><br />3 out of 5<br /><br />-Thad out. <br /></span>Thaddeus Stoklasahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10208104780531190810noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2413772547745857524.post-38521575037321502902008-08-04T19:52:00.019-05:002008-08-05T10:24:18.569-05:00Sherman: Up All Night -- "Time Barbarians"The first movie for the Sherman: Up All Night marathon was a crap-tastic crapterpiece.<span id="fullpost"> It's not often one sees a move like this: part fantasy, part historic epic and part retarded. Well, stupid anyway. Calling this movie retarded is an insult to retarded people. This movie had everything one looks for: tits, big burly men who look like ex-members of Poison (complete with thin, leather man-bras), the classic battle of Good vs. Evil and time travel... with a helping dose of misogyny and "dialogue" that attempts to be Shakespearean and succeeds beyond expectations -- that is if you thought Shakespeare might have been a re-re.<br /><br /><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQIxAWjykxJBvV-XZkQsc449MS7Xx9QRqpepGjsNIYbNAa4tw132j8HINBJBgFIdb6Whd2PN9b63ZCQ1wc5HnNwcFVN5l3wyS3AdXTEtIE5W2BWwe0iOv8SgRjHNLcspDpQLWuSmaXubc/s200/timebarb.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5230898859545000738" border="0" />“Time Barbarians” is more than just a cheesy title; it's also just damn misleading. What little time travel there is doesn't happen until the last thirty minutes or so, which means we're forced to endure a hellish hour of the film-maker's misguided revenge-fantasy fulfillment against those who have done him wrong, which I gauge to be the entire human race.<br /><br />On behalf on my humanoid brethren, may I just ask the filmmaker, writer/director, Joseph John Barmettler (If that's a pseudonym, then sweet Jesus you can't even make up a good fake name? And if it isn't, well... you have my condolences sir): "Dude!? Why?” The amount of things wrong with this movie are nearly too numerous for me to list, but we all know that won't stop me from trying my damnedest.<br /><br />I'm getting ahead of myself, though.<br /><br />First things first: before man became (*cough*) civilized, we were once a roving band of hunters and gatherers, split up into an endless number of tribes, each led by their own king -- unless you live in this film, where there are really only two, each consisting of about a dozen members.<br /><br />There are, as in any tale involving these things, good tribes and evil tribes. Easily told apart by, well... the evil barbarians have a sort of Three Stooges cry, tend to do this weird posturing, and also wear make up. Plus, the main bad guy -- and his two henchmen -- wear clothes, shirts and pants. The good barbarians strut around like proud peacocks in their loin cloths, and posture in a stoic, manly style. Their battle cry is a succinct grunt.<br /><br />The king of the good barbarians, at least of the tribe that the movie concerns itself with, is Doran (Deron McBee). He rules his tribe with the help of a magical crystal, given to his grandfather by the Wizard (Ingrid Vold), who may or may not be an ex-playmate... or a future one, if she's into the whole time traveling deal.<br /><br />If she wore that sheer blouse when she gave Dorna's grandfather the crystal, I'd hand it down to each generation too...<br /><br />...<br /><br />Sorry, got a little side tracked there. So, there's Doran -- the big, burly roid-zilla type, with long flowing blond locks, and the previously stated man-bra -- and there's his queen Lystra (Joann Ayers): a blonde bombshell, complete with a shammi bikini and that hereditary, magic crystal, which she wears like a chastity belt. No joke, she walks around with a giant crystal protruding from her... Come on, it's too fucking easy... much like Lysrta is. OOOOOOHH! BUUURRRNN!<br /><br />Moving on, the bad barbarian, Mandrak (Daniel Martine), while not as huge, is still pretty fuck-off huge, with long flowing, black hair. Ah, the simple, subtle visual metaphor for evil. Black. Even his shirt is black. Why is the bad guy the only one fully clothed, though? I'm not sure what Barmettler is trying to say. Maybe that man has become more savage as he has become more civilized -- that progress has actually caused man to regress? Hmmmm...<br /><br />Long story short: Mandrak kidnaps Lystra, rapes her, kills her and steals the crystal, thereby accidentally transporting himself and his henchman into present day L.A. Doran meets the (hubba-hubba) wizard that gave his family the crystal and she sends him “<span style="font-style: italic;">...to a land called, 'The Future'</span>” to get her crystal back and kill Mandrak, for shits and giggles.<br /><br />After arriving in present-day L.A. -- and by present day, of course, I mean 1990 -- he happens upon a pretty news reporter doing a segment on the rising crime in the city who is being molested/and or sexually abused by a street-gang led by the worlds biggest Jerome “Curly” Howard fanatic. And so, Doran does battle with the hapless gang, Conan style... if Conan was a hair band enthusiast.<br /><br />The ravishing, roving reporter is Penny (Joann Ayers... again) is an almost drop dead twin of Lystra. Of course, none of this escapes Doran's Columbo-like gaze. And, of course, the pretty Penny finds the oiled up ex-Great White drummer an absolute dream come true. Yada, yada, Mandrak and Doran “do battle,” Doran with his He-Man-esque sword (with the ability to phase in and out of existence) and Mandrak with his... tommy gun?<br /><br />Mother fucker bought, literally, a car full of illegal fire arms... and he chose a goddamn tommy gun? Damn it, Bartmettler!<br /><br />This movie blows. It was produced by Troma, one of the last truly independent Independent film companies out there. In the past, Troma has given us some talented film makers (see: James Gunn, writer/director of “Slither”) as well as some truly bizarre original ideas: "Sgt. Kabuki," "Toxic Avenger," etc.<br /><br />On the DVD there's an extra about Troma Dance Festival, which is Troma's version of Sundance film festival. Admittance of film are 100% free, and so is attendance. I bring this up because on this special feature they show a man yelling at the camera: “Give art back to the people! Now! We've waited long enough.”<br /><br />After watching “Time Barbarians,” I'm half tempted to wander up to the “people,” take the art out of their hands -- while saying “yoink” of course -- and then hitting them over the head with a rolled up newspaper while yelling, “NO! BAAAAD 'PEOPLE'!”<br /><br />I'll give “Time Barbarians” one thing, though; when the credits started to roll, I had a wicked urge to go listen to some Scorpion.<br /><br />Fucking movie.<br /><br /><br /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1XiNJOF9CMzts9OSqMag96sIbLB4aAp9n1Wk2GhBDudWannfVYpQm28O6CKtfmqw-p_A6A8znbfDhegmXbvhifyEnwjw9XRzxfvoa69LlrPrO-KL5T5xPjTv7-xZoFxsDqDgICYPU85I/s200/phpDQ4eo4_c1PM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5230900168751426514" border="0" /><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh49HXSztk5bgxcqC-azeaZ-092FrefJso3ggCRHPwBx4ltnIf9T8tld2GfzSVOCBmg2GAoiMp0iLdEPLICODlzL6yh5vJZ1EfG7iZulKyK0QtEJdCpkInvFAVleXiQ3v-PD6aVLFaHNco/s200/half+hayek.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5230900340972235090" border="0" /> <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">/ 5</span></span><br /><br /><br />Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,<br /><br />Jeremiah</span>Jeremiah Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10335921016941778130noreply@blogger.com1