"No More Heroes" Wii Review (5/5... again) -Thaddeus

Finally, there is a game for those of us who've always dreamed of lightsaber-slashing our way through hordes of nameless thugs that shriek weirdly as they explode in a shower of blood and coins.

That game, dear readers, is "No More Heroes."

"No More Heroes" is a schizophrenic, punk-rock fuelled fever dream available for popular consumption on Nintendo's Wii. If you happen to be blessed with said system, and don't mind excessive amounts of gore, obscenity and madness, you should purchase it immediately.

Not rent -- BUY!

When a game this entertaining and fearlessly original is released into the wild, it is the civic duty of gamers the world over to shell out the cash for ownership. A message must be sent to the faceless cretins atop the industry, written in the only language they deem worthy of reading: ten-foot-tall stacks of cash-money. And lo, it shall be read: "Make more games like this!"

The player is dropped into the life of Travis Touchdown, a shiftless Japanophile who accidentally became the 11th ranked assassin in America after getting drunk one evening and allowing a mysterious woman to talk him into it. His weapon of choice? The beam katana he won in an online auction.

That is the setup.

It is briefly touched in the opening minute, as you are hurled toward the first level. From then on, it's your job to cut a swath through whatever stands in your way. It's the modern, anarchistic answer to "River City Ransom," clutching that classic, chaotic charm in hands stained with the blood of post-modern cynicism.

And it's hard. Damn hard.

You spend long tracks of time filling your pockets with cash harvested from kooky part-time jobs or small scale assassinations, only to slam head-first into the wall of a Ranked Assassin Boss-Fight. Rage boils up and you find yourself squeezing the controller, frothing at the mouth and setting a new standard for swear-chains.

And when you finally crush the cheap bastards, the victory is all the sweeter.

There could be more to do in the interim between missions, but it hardly detracts from the overall experience.

I know that I've been throwing out high ratings like they're on sale at Big Lots but, to be fair, we don't spend too much time involving ourselves with crap-media around here.

That being said, I give "No More Heroes" a 5 out of 5.

I consider it a must-play, up there with "Portal" and "Shadow of the Colossus." It’s a signpost along the road of this still-young media -- marking not where it must go, but where it mustn’t be afraid to.

Strange and wonderful.


-Thad out.