"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" - Three Geek Review

Jeremiah:

Death-defying archeology has finally returned to the big screen, ladies and gentlemen. Oh sure, "National Treasure" tried to fill the hole, and made an admirable show of it from what I'm told, but it still failed to take the crown. The search for lost knowledge (plus action, adventure and derring-do) has but one name, and that name is Indiana Jones.

Those low-down, dirty commies will stop at nothing to harness a possibly alien psychic power... wait, what? Awesome. That's why I love Indiana Jones, right there. You don't often get plots like that in main-stream cinema. (sad sigh)

Spielberg and company do a stand-up job at presenting a movie that is faithful to the original trilogy while still feeling fresh and new. The Indiana Jones series is one of those instances where it's very hard not to regress into being 12 all over again.

Ah, the hell with it... why not?

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod -- it was soooo coool, there were these guards and they were all really serious, you know, like nazis... but not nazis (they were communists, but they looked like nazis) and there was this one chick who had this really wicked accent, and then Indy led them to this magnet thingma-bobber, and there was this chase, followed by a big bang, followed by a big chase, followed by another chase, and there were more car chases than were people sometimes, and then there was this one scene with monkeys and ants, and this really cool sword fight, and these huge crystal skulls, and there was all this really cool, fun stuff but I never felt like they were talking down to me, like I was 12, they just understood the inner-child's unquenchable thirst for adventure.

And, oh yeah, Karen Allen is really pretty.

And there was no Sean Connery, that was sad, but then there was this other really cool chase...

See the movie, damn it!

/ 5

Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,
Jeremiah



Richard:

I'm sitting at my chair here at Deaf Kid Studios, Shudder is playing downstairs and I am forced to remember "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," which I saw last night. I am forced to because it was a great movie... and because Thad and Jeremiah have started to make jokes about this being Two Geek Review.

The latest Indiana Jones flick takes place some years after "The Last Crusade" and brings back Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood (from "Raiders of the Lost Ark," remember?), Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones (obviously) and introduces Cate Blanchett as Irina Spalko, an over-the-top commie with a penchant for psychic powers and Shia LaBeouf as Mutt Williams, a young, college dropout greaser whose hobbies include riding his Harley, twirling his knife and getting whacked in the balls by plants (Trust me on this!).

The plot is a typical Indy plot. Naz-- Commies steal something powerful, mythical, McGuffinacal and Indy must track it down so that Hitl-- Stalin doesn't get his hands on it or the world is in grave danger. This is proven by a diatribe from Blanchett about half-way through the movie. Love interests and sidekicks help Indy to track it down and ultimately save the day. Other devices include greedy guy getting killed by greed and power-hungry guy getting killed by getting power. Yet we love the movie for it.

In this world of Fast-Paced Action/Hard-Turning Dramatic cinema world we live in, Indiana Jones is one of the last bastions of familiarity. We know he wins, we know he lives, we know he scores. We overlook predictability and over-used plot devices because it is a great story. And anyone over the age of 20 grew up on it.

Still, the movie has its flaws. Spieldberg and Lucas were so infatuated with the camp, action and nostalgia they forgot what make "The Last Crusade" a perfect movie, rounding it out with seriousness. Don't get me wrong, I am all for suspending your disbelief and accepting that a heart can still beat after a warlock rips it from your chest, or that drinking water from a faux-gold cup will age you to death. I mean the serious moments between characters. One of the most memorable and greatest scenes from my childhood is Henry Jones Sr. guiding Indy through the trials to get the grail. He lays there dying, but still whispers the right choices and paths. Indy can't hear him, but it doesn't matter. Finally he makes it to the Grail room, chooses wisely, dips the cup into the water and takes it back to his dad.

That scene was brilliant, I can't do it justice. If you have not seen "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" do yourself a favor and buy it, right now! And if you hated the scene, I hate you as a person.

This movie didn't have that. Marion and Mutt are great characters and Allen and LaBeouf were great in portraying them, but the script just didn't have the emotion behind it to attach me to them like it did with Henry Jones Sr.

Beyond that, the only other things were superfluous. Sean Connery retired so there was no Henry Jones Sr. and Denholm Elliot died so no Marcus Brody either. I still would have liked John Rhys-Davies to return as Sallah, but what can you do? Maybe he was too busy playing all the dwarves in "The Hobbit."

Overall, it was a great movie. It was not the best of the four, but not the worst by any means. Besides, a bad Indiana Jones movie is like bad sex, it still feels good.

4.5 out of 5.




Thaddeus:

The other guys have covered quite a bit of ground and, though I could launch into a protracted rebuttal to Kloiber's crowning of "Last Crusade" as the top entry in the series, that would really just be me being contentious.

Instead, I'll try to be succinct.

Aside from it being fully packed with action and fun, there is a very practical reason for everyone to go out and see "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Let us turn, for a moment, to the BBC:

Asked at a press conference if he wanted to make another film, [Spielberg] said: "Only if you want more.

"That's why we made this Indiana Jones. We'll certainly have our ear to the ground to hear what happens."

Spielberg added: "That'll decide were we go from here."

So, if you like Indiana Jones, see "Crystal Skull." And if (when) you discover you like "Crystal Skull," see it AGAIN! I already plan to see it another two times in theaters.

In terms of quality assessment, which I'm told reviews ought to contain, I'll say this: "Crystal Skull" is a fitting continuation of the series in the exact way that the "Star Wars" prequels were not.

What can I say? The definition of adventure is Indiana Jones. This movie quenches a thirst I didn't even know I was carrying.

It's nearly impossible to draw an accurate representation of how this movie made me feel, as I did with "Speed Racer," so I guess I'll give you a number.

...

Four.

And... a half.

It's hard to rate something so close to your heart. Numbers fall short.

-Thad out