Force the Sherman I: Screen Poetry

Just how wonderful
Is Hayao Miyazaki's
"Spirited Away"?



Filled to the brim with
Florid imagination
And joyous spirit

Chihiro is a
Brave and intelligent girl
In a strange new world

Haku will do all
He can to get her a job
With Ms. Yubaba

Little does she know
That Chira is in fact a
Bath house for the Gods

Yubaba changes
The little girl's name to Sen
New name but same girl

Many Adventures
with strange spirits as Sen grows
Back to Chihiro

Exuberance and
Great love is the story told
By Miyazaki

A master of the
Fine art of animation
Is Miyazaki

"Spirited Away"
Was so good that it inspired
Me to write haiku

/ 5


Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,
Jeremiah

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Force the Sherman I: Vampires Are NOT People, Too

Dear Goth Kids,

I know life sucks, as do all jocks and cheerleaders (though, you really should have second thoughts about the cheerleaders... they personally make me happy in a special way). But to exclude anyone who dares to not be you? Well, that just makes you as bad as them. Also, what is with your rampant obsession with vampires (or as I call them, “the douchebags of the night”)? I bring this up because of the anime movie I recently watched. So I guess, in retrospect, this goes out to all anime fans as well:


Dear Goth Kids and Anime Fans,

I have a strong suspicion that goth kids and anime fans gravitate towards the same bigotries. The film was “Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust” (or "Banpaia Hanta D," in the Japanese), a futuristic, Victorian sci-fi explodathon about vampires (read: douchebags of the night) and D (Andrew Philpot), the half-human, half-vampire hunter who hunts them. Oops, I forgot one:


Dear Goth Kids, Anime Fans, and Sci-Fi Geeks,

Ignoring the fact that half-human, half-vampires defy all laws of everything, suggesting that vampires are actually capable of reproducing sexually, not to mention the radical implications of cross-breeding, would make Darwin weep. So they're dead... yet they still have, ahem... "bodily fluids” and a working undead reproductive system? That just makes my little soul cringe... so I guess I should change my salutation yet again:


Dear Goth Kids, Anime Fans, Sci-Fi Geeks, and people who have such a complete suspension of disbelief that they will allow whatever back-fuck-wards thing any ol' loon off the street thinks of,

There is no way in hell I am capitalizing all that. So, disregarding that fact, this movie also happens to deal with a pet peeve of mine: women who voluntarily love douchebags of the night. Dracula I'm OK with, he had them hypnotized. Nosferatu? So ugly, it could only be magic. But this girl, Charlotte Elbourne (Wendee Lee), has NO spells cast on her. She's under absolutely NO hypnotism, NO mind control... she just... loves vampires. So yet again, I feel I should be more specific:


Dear Goth Kids, Anime Fans, Sci-Fi Geeks, people who have such a complete suspension of disbelief that they will allow whatever back-fuck-wards thing any ol' loon off the street thinks of, and women who are simply making bad life choices -- the ones that even Lifetime deem too stupid to talk about,

Charlotte claims Meir Link (John Rafter Lee) is a “good" vampire (read: “good" douchebag of the night”) and that he has not (since, at least, they started dating) harmed anyone. She would also probably believe that a hooker “wouldn't kiss.” He's a VAMPIRE! They live by taking other people's lives. Lives like yours or, more importantly, mine. Not to mention the supernatural, sadistic, cruel badasses he has that guarding his coach don't seem to be operating from the same ethics manual as your beloved Prince Suckmeister. Don't get me wrong, despite my trouble swallowing the whole half-human, half-vampire thing (Oh, and if any of you out there try to defend this with, “What about 'Blade?'” I'll simply rebuff you with this: Blade may have been half-human, half-douchebag, but he was also 100% Wesley Snipes. A combination of bad and ass so potent that he didn't even have to pay his taxes)... I actually enjoyed the movie, despite all these innate flaws.

It has all the watermarks of things that annoy me, and yet I was still entertained. I enjoyed Leila (Pamela Segall) and D's Left Hand (Michael McShane), especially the relationship between the three of them that had the sick perverse side of me was wondering if there was going to be a love triangle between the three. Which reminds me, I left some people out:


Dear Goth Kids, Anime Fans, Sci-Fi Geeks, people who have such a complete suspension of disbelief that they will allow whatever back-fuck-wards things any ol' loon off the street thinks of, women who are simply making bad life choices -- the ones that even Lifetime deem too stupid to talk about, and fellow like-minded pervs,

"Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust" is a capably crafted and enjoyable piece of impressive animation. How could I not love a movie involving an old man pulling out a gun the size of Danny Trejo? Meir and Charlotte may not be the valedictorians of the school for kids with special needs, but their exploits are laughingly interesting enough... particularly when they plan to leave earth and all the vampire-haters (read: douchebag of the night-haters) behind and launch themselves into... that's right... space (an action, I might add, that would leave Meir with precious few food options, except dear, sweet, insipid Charlotte. Did this bother anyone else?) Not to mention that, apparently, since vampires are supernatural beings, they have a complete disregard for the laws of nature and astrophysics. Too bad, considering the stars they're going to live amongst are actually themselves... suns. Yeah, have fun in space... where there is no night to protect you from, as I like to call it, “that big, round, yellow thing that kills you."

Fucking twits! Now, I have to start all over again:


Dear Goth Kids, Anime Fans, Sci-Fi Geeks, people who have such a complete suspension of disbelief that they will allow whatever back-fuck-wards things any ol' loon off the street thinks of, women who are simply making bad life choices -- the ones that even Lifetime deem too stupid to talk about, and fellow like-minded pervs, and douchebags of the night who have no concept of the most basic laws of astrophysics,

...

Ahhh, the hell with it.

/ 5

Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,
Jeremiah

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Force the Sherman I: The Secret of "The Secret of NIMH"

Memory is a curious human faculty.

There were times where I was watching “The Secret of NIMH” and would have a sudden, strong recollection. They were scenes I remembered clearly, that I had carried with me without realizing -- like the emphatic fear that struck me as Jeremy (Dom DeLuise), the crow, was tangled in string with Dragon the Cat stalking nearby. I distinctly recalled my own true dread as Mrs. Brisby (Elizabeth Hartman) went to seek advice from The Great Owl (John Carradine) or my young eyes being dazzled by the electric magic of Nicodemus (Derek Jacobi), leader of the rats of NIMH.

Scenes I saw as a child, from a movie I don't even recall watching that much, left a strong residue behind. The power of art and motion pictures.

Don Bluth's “Secret of NIMH” holds up surprisingly well. Before this, Bluth (See also: "An American Tail" and "The Land Before Time") was a Disney animator. He desperately wanted to do this film but Disney rejected the idea, saying it was “too dark.” So Bluth -- along with John Pomeroy, Gary Goldman and about 20 other animators -- left Disney and made the movie themselves. At the time, they were called the Disney Defectors.

The characters of "NIMH" stick with you as much as the amazing visuals: Mrs. Brisby and her children, in desperate need of help so they can move their house “to the lee of the stone” or Auntie Shrew (Hermione Baddeley) who always pops in unannounced and gives unsolicited advice or any of the others I mentioned above.

The plot is actually somewhat bare; it's the visuals and the way the story is told that mark it as the animated masterpiece it is.

The rats of NIMH -- lab rats from the National Institute of Mental Health who evolved higher intelligence -- have escaped to a rosebush in front of a farmer's house. After a short while there, they decide to move on. When Mrs. Brisby asks why, they reply, “Because we can no longer live as rats.” However, the dastardly Jenner (Paul Shenar) wishes to continue their ratty existence as parasites of society. Jenner's opponent is Justin (Peter Strauss), the golden boy of the rats, and a favorite of their leader, the rat wizard Nicodemus.

How Nicodemus got his power is never explained -- probably because it matters not. After all, if you accept a rat who can learn to talk, organize a society of order and rules, and knows magic, what does it matter how the magic happens? For a child, the magic is in the magic itself.

The sword fight near the end is right out of an Errol Flynn movie, with a dash of Shakespearean tragedy. But the amazing thing is that this “kid's” movie has the audacity to show blood on at least two occasions: the sword fight and an incident where Mrs. Brisby cuts herself on a cage. In an age where entire wars are fought in children's movies with nary a drop of blood to be found -- such as in Disney's “Chronicles of Narnia” -- such things are completely unheard of! Imagine... telling a child that if he fights, he will bleed!

“Secret of NIMH” is a powerful film, filled with images that stay with you for years to come (Dragon the Cat was terrifying to behold as a youngster). It's rare that you revisit something you love from you childhood to find it has not faded or grown stale. Yet “NIMH” is still fresh, exciting and creepy, just as it was when I was... however young I was when I first saw it.

Truly a movie that proves the magic of the medium.


/ 5


Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,
Jeremiah

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Force the Sherman I: A Different Kind of Iron Man

What a refreshing, animated treat “The Iron Giant” is! Here we have another animated feature that realizes kids are much smarter than what we give them credit for. Usually, non-Disney features (excluding Pixar) such as this leave a sugary and hollow taste behind. Yet here, Warner Bros. has given us a respectable voice cast, a lusciously simple animation style and a smörgåsbord of existential themes to deal with.

Taking place in the fifties and set in the picturesque town of Rockwell (surely a nod to the painter), "The Iron Giant" tells the story of Hogarth Hughes (Eli Marienthal) and his young mother Annie(Jennifer Aniston), a waitress at the local soda shoppe. Hogarth enjoys staying up late and watching bad science-fiction movies while attempting to eat his weight in Twinkies, as all children -- and adults -- ought to.

It's on one such night that a meteor falls from the sky and lands just off the Rockwell shore. Out of the sea rises the titular Iron Giant (Vin Diesel). A sailor, Earl (M. Emmet Walsh), crashes into it and, of course, nobody believes the crazy fisherman.

Meanwhile, Hogarth is drawn outside when his television looses reception. Noticing something going on at the power plant, he rushes over to investigate and finds the Giant. From there on in, it is an adventure exploring everything from the idea of souls, and their immortality, to the violence caused by guns, with a small detour to examine the uber-American propagandizing going on in that period.

Hogarth decides to hide the Giant in the local junkyard, which is owned by a beatnik artist named Dean (Harry Connick, Jr.). There, they have discussions about death and the possibility of life after death. We learn that the Giant is actually a giant gun, this and another situation prompts the discussion about violence and that idea that, “You are who you choose to be.”

The Government sends an agent (and all that that implies) after the fisherman calls and reports his story. The agent, Kent Mansley (Christopher McDonald), is skeptical at first, but becomes convinced after seeing the evidence firsthand. Mansley is not the villain necessarily, just someone who has been drinking heavily from the kool-aid, as they say.

There is an inspired monologue where he spouts out “red scare” propaganda about the dangers of the “giant metal man,” even going so far as saying: “All I know is that we didn't build it, and that's reason enough to assume the worst and blow it to kingdom come!”

Eventually, the army is called in to deal with the metal-plated visitor. The operation is headed by General Rogard (John Mahoney), a man who loves his country and thinks Mansley is a loon. To say more would ruin the movie and a climax that has, even through repeated viewings, left me shedding a tear or two.

The movie has a simple, lustrous look to it -- it seems almost to have been done in water color. The story handles subject matters much more complicated than is typical for the audience animated movies are aimed at, but it is done shrewdly and thoughtfully. Any youngster who sees this is bound to walk away with some pretty big questions.

“The Iron Giant” is a marvel. Animated movies, even Disney ones, are not usually this well executed. The voice talent is filled with great character actors (fricking M. Emmett Walsh!) and the story is more than sound. I asked a friend of mine what made “Giant” so good, and he replied without missing a beat, “The director, Brad Bird (see also: The Incredibles).”

Bird is an absolute genius when it comes to animated storytelling. My research tells me that he spent 8 years as the second-tier of command on “The Simpsons,” and his experience shows. “The Iron Giant,” is, quite frankly, an underrated masterpiece. I have watched it several times, and I am amazed by how much I still enjoy it. My hat is off to Bird and Co. for making a lastingly enjoyable, moving and thought-provoking animated film.


/ 5


Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,

Jeremiah

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Force the Sherman I: A "Stitch" in Disney

You may or may not have read my last essay, in which I bemoaned the moral downfall of a certain multi-million dollar merchandising machine/animation studio. It's right below this on the main page, if you want to catch up. I can wait...

Anyway, I figured I should start off the marathon with a contradiction to everything I said: Disney's 2002 animated feature, “Lilo and Stitch.”

“Lilo and Stitch” may well be one of the best modern Disney films, and it success lies in their very antithesis. Instead of labored and monotonous songs, you have musical montages set to the songs of Elvis Presley himself. The absence of a major archetypal villain, another Disney staple, is filled by several bad-intentioned characters who, in the end, band together against a greater foe.

Stitch (co-writer and directer, Chris Sanders) or Experiment 626 was genetically designed to cause destruction and mayhem. His creator, Dr. Joomba Jookiba (David Ogden Stiers) -- or, as he prefers to be called, “Evil Genius” -- created him with the intent of global domination. As the movie opens, we see Joomba on trial before a sort of Galactic High Council. The evil doctor is sentenced to life imprisonment. Stitch, being deemed an abomination, is sentenced to exile on a desolate rock. It goes without saying that Stitch escapes from his jailers, steals an escape pod and crash lands on Earth -- one of the Hawaiian islands to be exact -- but I went ahead and said it anyway.

There, we meet sisters Lilo (Daveigh Chase) and Nani (Tia Carrere). Nani is trying her best to keep a job and raise Lilo, but Lilo is proving to be difficult. Her abundant imagination makes her a social leper, and when she tries to be nice, she is teased. Their parents being absent is another contrary-to-modern-Disney trait. Lilo and Nani are on their own, and, while they love each other, they fight a lot. At times Lilo will even lock Nani outside the house. The relationship of the sisters smacks of a realism that's refreshing to see in a children's movie.

A social worker has been assigned to Nani and Lilo, a hulking, mountain of a man Mr. Bubbles (Ving Rhames, who else?). Dr. Joomba, meanwhile, has been released and employed by the High Council to hunt down 626. He is aided by Agent Pleakley (Kevin McDonald), an expert on the endangered species of mosquitoes on the Galactic Preservation known as Earth. Stitch has been run over by an entire trucking convoy and wakes up in a pound... and the movie has not even really gotten started yet.

Lilo adopts Stitch, against everyone's best wishes. Stitch, discovering that his creator has been sent to destroy him, uses Lilo as a shield. Along the way, they start to form an unlikely friendship. Joomba even muses on a philosophical quandary in relation to Stitch. He was created to destroy, with biological markers to gravitate towards thriving metropolises and large business areas, to kill and destroy... yet he lands on a peaceful rural tropical island. He has become a creature without purpose and must cope.

The rest of the movie deals with all these relationships, emotional revelations and attempted assassinations of Stitch, climaxing with space craft chases and exploding volcanoes. All with Island music and Elvis playing behind it. It's a really weird Disney movie. Even the way their drawn, Lilo and Nani are not beautiful Princess. They are chubby in places, Lilo having a rolly-polly shape and Nani having thick thighs... y'know, like real people.

Stitch is a genetic abomination, repeatedly called “unclean” by those hunting him. But even Joomba and Pleakley eventually help Stitch fight what amounts to the movie's overall villain: an Intergalactic Policeman, prejudiced against genetic mutations perhaps, but still not unabashedly evil.

All in all, “Lilo and Stitch” is a surprising masterpiece of sorts. If the movie does have flaws, they're forgivable. The sheer imagination of the plot wins with me. This is the Disney I remember and love.

/ 5

Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,

Jeremiah

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Force the Sherman I: The Inception

Earlier this month I posted a blog asking you, the readers, to choose a genre, actor, director or any other manner of film-grouping for me to focus on in the month of June, giving you the rare opportunity to control what I reviewed, to hold the very reins of my movie-watching fate!

Well, the masses have spoken. And by masses, I mean the one person who responded. Victoria Easley of Rolla, Missouri wrote in and suggested films that are animated.

So, June shall be the Month of Animation!

I'll be reviewing the gamut of animated films: foreign, computer animated and old-school hand-drawings for the kids and adults alike.

Animation is the one style of film-making where the imagination is truly free to run rampant without the oppressive fists of the laws of physics and budget constraints in regards to special effects. Or the worry how the effects might look, be it too cheesy and fake or the risk that they may be dated in a few years time. With animation, the sky is the limit. This is why most animated films fall in the realm of fantasy and science fiction.

Yet with all this, there is something almost eerie in how accessible the characters are. The plots are often so outlandish that we just accept them without question. Many of the people I've spoken with have confessed that the most terrifying images from their childhood were that of animated films. Be it the wicked witch from ,“Sleeping Beauty,” the evil Queen from “Snow White,” or the mother's death in “Bambi.”

I cited all Disney films because, until the last few years, the name Disney was -- and in some cases, still is -- synonymous with animation. Early Disney had the uncanny ability to entertain children without talking down to them. They were not afraid to expose children to the roller coaster of emotions in life. In a way, they were entertaining children with one hand, placating them, while, with the other, they were getting them ready for the real world. There are people who do purposeful harm to others, some children do loose their mothers and jealousy can drive people to acts of madness. All while peppering in a nice little song here and there.

The latter is what caused the downfall of Disney, in a way. It got to a point where the songs were redundant, monotonous and only there because every Disney movie, by some unwritten (or at least unpublished) law, had to have at least three songs. Children, while often naive, are not stupid. They can tell, even if only it's subconsciously, when a song is there as filler and has no purpose for the mood or story.

Think I'm wrong? Show a child a newer Disney movie, followed by a classic, and see which one they enjoy more. See which one moves them, which one enraptures them the most.

I guess one could say the downfall of Disney would be their loss of faith in the children's intelligence. Of course there will be those who argue that Disney's business is booming, bigger than ever, and that their children don't seem to notice. You mean quite possibly one of the most ignorant and illiterate generations we've seen in a while? Of course the children are not going to notice a difference! No one exposes them to the old-school stuff!

Another argument one might use would be that the glorious second coming of animation is Pixar. Well, I'm sorry to say that, if that's your argument, you're an idiot. Oh don't get me wrong, Pixar is glorious. They have ushered in a new era of children's animation. However, Disney has nothing to do with those, except to distribute them. Animation-wise, story-wise, director-wise and song-wise (or the lack thereof) is all Pixar. In fact, most of Pixar's inspiration comes from Japanese animators such as Hayao Miyazaki or Isao Takahata ("Princess Mononoke" and "Grave of the Fireflies," respectively).

I realize now that my essay on the glories of animation has turned into a rant about the downfall of Disney. When one starts to bitch about how a mighty business conglomerate has fallen, it's time to call it a wrap. So, in conclusion, this month will be full of nostalgia and discovery -- as much for you, I hope, as for me.

I'll be attempting to post two or three times a week, so check in periodically and see me write myself ragged.

Here we go... this oughta' be a blast.

Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,

Jeremiah

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Force the Sherman

Every once and a while we here at Three Geek Review like to pick a theme, director or actor to focus on for a month.

Or at least I do.

So I was thinking: what if you, the readers, chose what I watched for the month of June?

Send your suggestions to threegeekjeremiah@gmail.com and let me know what you think should be my theme for next month. On the last week of May, I will see who or what has the most requests. If by some statistical anomaly no one seems to suggest the same thing as someone else, then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... roll a die or something.

Hell, if e-mailing is too much for you, you can even leave a comment on my Facebook or MySpace. Make sure that you entitle the e-mail or comment "Force the Sherman" so as to separate it from the scores of regular fan mail recieved on an hourly basis.

I'll be posting an actual review shortly, but for the moment I'm leaving this announcement. Hope you all had a chance to Geek Up this weekend, and I look forward to reading your suggestions.

If you've ever wanted the power to command the future of movie reviews, now is your chance. Seize it before it slips away behind us, with the rest of history!

Yours Until Hell Freezes Over,
Jeremiah

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